Posted by tampagirl70 on June 24, 2004, at 11:09:18
background info: dx is ocd/depression, taking 40mg celexa and 300mg wellbutrin xl. quit meds approx. 35 days ago, restarted same meds 24 days ago.
maybe i'm still depressed and my meds haven't taken full effect, but my anxiety level right now is an 8 or 9 on a scale of 1-10 (10 being highest). i'm most comfortable when i'm home. getting out of bed in the morning is extremely hard. when i'm at work i'm tense, jumpy and feel like everyone around me has a perfect, happy life and i'm stuck on the outside looking in. i look at the people i work with and think "they love their spouse more than i love mine" (one of my obsessions is that i don't really love my husband, how do you verify that you do) or "they haven't done anything wrong or bad in their life and i have". i just feel like everyone is better than me and has no problems, and i'm weak and a failure.
my husband wants me to go to a social function tomorrow evening and i'm really worried about how i'll be. its for one of his co-workers and he really wants me to go. i'm afraid that i'll get there and be SOOOO uncomfortable and anxious and want to hide & cry. however, when i'm around my husband, i'm usually much less anxious and more relaxed than when he's not around. and i'm usually much less anxious in the evenings. i'm scared to go - and i've never been scared to go anywhere!
i also am not real excited about going to stores right now, or anywhere else that i don't have to go.
when i was on my meds and everything was as it should be, i didn't have these thoughts or feelings. now i'm taking xanax or klonopin to help with the anxiety and even though its helping, i'm afraid i'll become dependent on it to function. since ocd is an anxiety disorder, i'm hopeful that these issues will diminish as my meds continue to kick in. will they? is it just a matter of time?
help! what do i do, how do i handle this?
poster:tampagirl70
thread:359768
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20040619/msgs/359768.html