Posted by Dr. Bob on June 14, 2004, at 18:03:49
In reply to Re: New Lex user, posted by nicko on June 13, 2004, at 0:49:05
Posted by nicko on June 13, 2004, at 0:49:05
> Thank you Mrs, C and everyone else,
> Yes i still read some of the posts and I'm really glad and thankful for everyone's help, it has meant alot to me.
> But yes i had decided to get off the drugs, i wont be taking them anymore, i decided enough was enough and i am now on the road to facing my demons.
>
> Firstly after 30 years i finally came out and told my parents i was gay, WOW big one.lol, see one of the reasons my anxiety started was because i got sick a while back, and i thought i had a dreaded disease, HIV or similar, let me tell you that week of wait nearly killed and because no one knew about me being gay! i couldn't share my fears or concerns with anyone, all my results came back negative thank god but i was then told it isn't conclusive for 13 weeks and that i would need to be retested, so for 12 long weeks i worried, panicked, cried and put on a brave face infront of everyone, cause no one knew, but i started thinking negatively, im gonna die, i felt ashamed of myself and guilty. Well i got my results back again and all were negative again YAY but for some reason i couldn't let it go, what if its wrong, what if they made a mistake etc. I guess because thinking i was going to be positive for 13 weeks.
> So i had a deep and meaningful with my mum, i thought it was about time, i even told her about the months of worry and fear i felt!, she basically cried, more at the fact that i went through all that alone, she wasn't upset i was gay, she even made a joke and said GOOD i didn't want any more grandchildren.LOL Its weird to think after all these years of worrying, omg what if my parents find out, what if i see someone i know while im out with my parents etc, what if they hate me, what if it sickens then.
>
> So i have finally after all these years accepted i am what i am, i use to hate myself, i use to cry and say i don't want to be gay, but the truth is no one choses this, its just the way you are born or something, ive always known.
> I just cant explain the weight off my shoulders, It feels good.
> I know i have a long way to go, but i will get there, I might try some natural stuff and see how it goes, maybe St johns wort, But i feel most of the pain and suffering had a reason, it has been a tough year and i want to stop living this lie and see what happens, if after a few weeks or months i don't start to feel better, I'll go back to the dr for meds.
>
> I'm so glad i found you guys, you have helped me more then you know, giving you all a cyber HUG, would it be ok if i stay in touch?
poster:Dr. Bob
thread:356689
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20040611/msgs/356689.html