Posted by spoc on May 30, 2004, at 15:35:24
In reply to Re: massive rant about being single, posted by tabitha on May 30, 2004, at 14:19:25
> And the last few men I dated, it was like they had a huge enormous void in their lives and expected me to fill it instantly, and be at their side all the time, and spend all free time with them. It was too much for me. I still need some alone-time, some me-time. And their timeline was so... accelerated. The stereotype is that women of my age are supposed to be the ones pushing, but I can tell you, there sure are some men who are in a big hurry to get partnered for life.
<<<<< Suffering that rather than being on the other end of it may be the lesser of two "evils" (pains). Maybe that's a dubiously redeeming aspect of being this way. I often feel like I am playing the part of the Bad Boy in the relationship, although it is only in effect (due to my inability to plan and needs for alone time); and not that I am in reality swingin, dating around or commitment-phobic. At least I have confirmed for some men that indeed not all women are hungering for marriage, or needing to be with someone or at least on the phone with someone at all times.
Sounds like we are very much alike Tabitha, especially in not having the energy to keep up with some kinds of romantic relationships and demands (and also have time for/improve ourselves).
And where I live, people go out almost every night of the week routinely, and relationships often take off at the same pace, and don't typically focus on as much homebodying, laying low, renting movies, etc. as I've seen in the typical relationship in other areas. It's way too much for me, but I am the Martian amongst them. Most people don't live here unless those are the things they are looking for and the fast-paced lifestyle they want (kind of like Sex & the City). I often think I should move.
I never feel lonely, but by way of that longtime companion thing I think would be good for me, I do think about trying an Internet dating service someday (I meet people in real life, but just hate agreeing to dates or even lunch/coffee when I've just met someone in passing. When *I* have a first date scheduled, I act like I am going to a funeral). I know Internet dating has disappointed some, like anything else, but I have that dubious "advantage" of not really caring if that or anything else works out. Sometimes that's when good things in general seem to happen, ya know? When we aren't emotionally invested in them.
My thing would be that the person would have to enjoy communicating in writing, and maybe doing it for weeks before making plans to meet. I can tell so much about a person in writing. Well, I can't know if they are being honest, but I can know about their humor, insights, intelligence and ability to express things. And I could be up front about *some* things about myself that aren't mainstream (like not being able to commit as much time as some, or to be as spontaneous); take it or leave it. Some may say chances are better if they know you personally first, but since I have second (and third) thoughts about getting into another relationship anyway, and don't care too much if I end up in one.... whatever! I'll take the easy way. I like men who have a lot of cerebral and philosophical qualities, yet have some kinda old fashioned values about right and wrong. Never the charismatic player, or the hunk. It takes a lot to make me feel a real connection.
Sound like a tall order? Well, I figure millions of people belong to these services, there's someone for everyone... Just let it all hang out and see what happens! Ok, am I off the point now or what.
poster:spoc
thread:352101
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20040525/msgs/352177.html