Posted by jay on May 22, 2004, at 14:36:59
Oh man...going to a movie...a Social Phobic’s nightmare! I called my friend up and he asked me to go to a show..so I did. We met up with a friend of his, and yeah it was a gal, so my social phobic “odometer” just went off the scale. Beforehand, we went for drinks so that loosened me up a bit, and I had this really loud rippen’ version of ‘Summertime Blues’ (I put up a copy at http://home.cogeco.ca/~elsamac/ru_SB.mp3 ) that just came out (covered by Rush) in my head, and I just sang that over and over and it seemed to help a bit.
The worst part was in my dreams last night. I kept on dreaming that the male friend I went out with was constantly humiliating me, and when we where younger in highschool, he did do such things. Add a female to the mix, and I woke up feeling like HELL today after a night of such weird and humiliating dreams (nightmares is more like it!) Gawwwdd..it’s like learning to walk again!
So, after just waking up, I gulped back a handful of clonazepam, because my nerves and mind are still at war with my body. I can really see the connection that all of us with anxiety disorders have..from social phobia and down the list.
Well...anyhow yeah, the movie was good...it had a good moral to it, something I and so MANY others need to be reminded of...that vanity is truly stupid and sick. I have learned to trade in my vanity for comedy..”I rest my case...at least my vanity...dressed up in the mask of comedy...if Laughter is the straw, for a drowning man..” as the song goes.
So, this socially crippled man got out of his skin a bit last night...maybe, hopefully it will happen a few more times....heh. But please, leave the nightmare hangover behind!!! ugh...
Peace,
Jay
poster:jay
thread:349672
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20040517/msgs/349672.html