Posted by LynneDa on April 14, 2004, at 9:23:41
In reply to Re: Rod... Oooops... Didn't know!, posted by geri122 on April 13, 2004, at 17:45:40
Geri honey - I am so sorry for all your pain!! I understand about wishing your Dad would hurt you so you'd have a reason to cry. I felt that way about my ex-husband. He was very abusive emotionally, but how could I tell my friends I wanted to leave him when he wasn't beating me or anything physical, tangible. It was hard to explain to people. So, I do get that!
I also understand about your Dad being well-known. Information is power and people want to be able to supply information to someone in a power position like your Dad. They think there's something in it for them and you could become a pawn. But, you may get to the point where it will be worth the risk.
The cutting thing - I've heard a lot of people on this board do it to relieve pain & stress. I've never done it, but I know it is more common than I ever imagined. I think it's an addictive or obsessive behavior so please be careful.
Is there any way at all that you could get to a doctor in another town who could prescribe something for you? You are at that point Geri. You need something more than what this Board or your own ability to think things thru and handle things can offer you.
For the not sleeping, this sounds terrible to recommend to a minor, but have you tried taking one antihistamine (like Benadryl) or a tablespoon of cough medicine? They can make you sleepy. Sleep is so important in dealing with stress.
Sweetie, the great thing about life is that you get a lot of second chances. You say you feel like you've died inside. I don't doubt that. But, you can re-create your life and get over the pain of this time. Please just try to make it through this next year. Once you can distance yourself from your Dad, go to college and meet a huge variety of people, you may feel better and/or you can get the help you need. Are you planning on college?
{{{{hugs}}}}
~ Lynne
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>The whole hating my dad, it's just you know you get to a point where hating some one hurts you more then you ever thought. I can't sleep.. im tired all the time but i can't sleep. It is soo hard to keep that smile on my sometimes. I mean how can i? I've lost some of my best friends because of this "problem". I need them because when i wanted to do something bad to myself all i had to do was think what would they do if the found out. I know that won't always work, i mean i have done some things that hurt myself.. but thats life. Now i can't think that because they aren't there. Its hard. i mean yeah you win some and you loose some, but not this way, not now.
> You don't know how bad i want to turn to someone, but its not easy. My school and my life isn't what you think. My dad is a well known man, they all know him therefor know me. I turn to them they will go straight to my dad, legal contract or not. My dad can;t and won't know. NEVER! you guys don't know him. YOu don't how many times i wish he would hurt me, hit me, something physical because then i would have a real reason to hurt, a real reason to hate him. How sad is that. YOu guys are prob. going to say i have a real reason to hurt... to me i don't. I can deal with physical, but not emotional pain. THere have been times where it hurt so much i cut myself. I know that that is not a way to help but it gave me a real reason to cry. I sat there and said to myself that is what hurt, i can;t do that emotionally. I tried to drink it away. Make my problems drown away, but i didn't work, made things worse with my friends. but i can't say i won't do it again. THat is scary, I don't want to die. i don't.. but i already have. I have already died inside!
poster:LynneDa
thread:284151
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20040414/msgs/336257.html