Posted by socialdeviantjeff on March 27, 2004, at 0:04:15
Sorry I haven't been on more posts, but I've been going through some stuff.
The backstory is, I thought I was getting better. The thing about work is that I'm always dysphoric. Every person that comes through the door is a potential problem. I know these feelings are absurd but I can't help it. Then tonight at work this seething rage that has been accumulating poured over on to this 18 year old. He tried to buy a lighter, the store policy is 19 and up. What a crock. Anyway he got a little indignant and I flew off the handle. I yelled at him. If he had not left I swear I would have gone over the counter at him. I flipped him off, in retrospect I'm glad he didn't see it. I don't think anyone but the camera saw it. Now I'll probably lose my job.
Needless to say, now all I feel (and have felt since the incident) is this combo of rage, anxiety, remorse, and depression. All I want is for these feelings to stop and I'm willing to do almost anything for it.
I'm not looking for support. What I did was plain stupid nad I know it. I just had to get it off my chest and I'm essentially alone.
poster:socialdeviantjeff
thread:328941
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20040324/msgs/328941.html