Posted by kid47 on March 25, 2004, at 7:37:47
Once again I have decided to quit smoking. I don't smoke cigarettes. I smoke cigars. Not good cigars mind you, but those skinny little cigars that look and smell like a burning twig. No not pot. (I know that's what you were thinking.) The kind Clint Eastwood smoked in "High Plains Drifter" In fact someone once told me I looked a lot like Clint when I had one of those little stogies clinched between my teeth....no wait.....someone once told me I looked like a complete idiot (or maybe they said "total dork" I forget) when I tried to mimic Clint with a stogie clinched between my teeth. I know it had *something* to do with Clint Eastwood. (do ya feel lucky punk?) Plus when I *did* hold the cigar clinched between my teeth it would make my eyes water and then I'd kind of start coughing and hacking...you get the picture. ANYWAY, I decided this time I would be sensible about quitting and use a "smoking cessation aid" My crutch was Nicorette Gum. I chose the gum because when you say "Nicorette" with a French accent it has a very sophisticated and worldy ring to it. Plus I think I used to know a stripper by that name. So with that settled, I tossed the first piece in my mouth anticipating my new found freedom from cigars forever!
Now I'm a fairly articulate guy, but I'm not sure there are words to adequately describe the "Nicorette Gum Experience"!!! I could say it was like licking an ash tray. And I would'nt be guessing here, since I actually did lick the bottom of an ash tray the last time I tried to quit smoking. But that phrase just doesn't do it justice. Possibly a better description might involve sucking on a burning piece of charcoal, although I *would* be guessing in that case fortunately. You are not supposed to chew Nicorette the way you would chew "normal" gum. You are only supposed to chomp down on it 3 or 4 times "just until you notice a slight tingling senation in your mouth" or an enourmous spike in your blood pressure from nicotine OD causes you to pass out. Then you are supposed to "park" the gum between your cheek and gums. So after inadvertantly swallowing three pieces I decided to ignore the directions and just chew. And chew I did. I have lost two fillings and chipped a tooth. I bit a hole in my cheek the size of a quarter and my jaw intermittently locks up.(although my facial muscles are now sublimely toned) The good news is I am free from my dreadful cigar habit....I have however developed a two hundred dollar a day Nicorette addiction. I can no longer afford food or gas for my car, but by golly you won't catch me wasting a buck and a quarter on a package of cheap cigars. Any comments?
poster:kid47
thread:328122
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20040324/msgs/328122.html