Posted by socialdeviantjeff on March 10, 2004, at 1:06:24
The thing is, nobody likes me. I have a few friends and they tolerate me because I usually have more money, cooler toys, etc. than they do.
I never have money and my stuff's not that cool. I am so agitated and I don't know if it's the Abilify or just me. And if I'm being treated for depression, why am I taking that? I think my pdoc doesn't tell me because he's frustrated with me because meds don't work so far. He won't tell me what he REALLY thinks because he doesn't actually like me. Nobody really does. The guy at the checkout counter thinks I'm a freak. Most everybody does. My neighbors think I'm spying on them. They are actually spying on me.
I don't even know what I am. Depressed? Borderline? schitzoaffecive? hysterical? Is here a label? Or is it really not all that bad, even though I can't function?
I feel like I have to tell lies to get by, even if it's not neccesary.
Even my animals don't want me around. It feels like they are judging me.
I don't belong at work. I can't even do a simple cashier's job. My coworkers hate me. Sometimes they're nice but that's only because I amuse them. Most of the customers are scared of me. The ones that aren't want to hurt me.
One munite I'm fine the next I'm in emotional h*ll. I hope I don't delete this.
I get these great ideas and grand thouhts and in a few hours to a few days it's the dumbest thing and not to bother pursuing because the idea's not worth it.
Besides all this sh*t, I'm Dysgraphic and Dyscalculic. Many time my muscle paine is too much to deal with. It's constant and refractory.
I cannnot work.
I cannot deal with all of this.
I cannot continue to live with my parents, but I have nowhere else to go.I don't know why I wrote all if this, most of is secret. Perhaps I'm just being dramatic. I suppose I had to get it off my chest and let Babble judge who SDjeff really is.
poster:socialdeviantjeff
thread:322738
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20040305/msgs/322738.html