Posted by Racer on February 4, 2004, at 20:33:33
In reply to Re: Social anxiety and bullying » fogmama, posted by 8 Miles on February 4, 2004, at 18:01:50
(I know, bordering on political, but I think staying outside the DMZ)
You've just said almost everything I'd say, and probably better than I did.
It did bring one thought to mind, though: ever been in a confrontation with a dog? I've been in one, and watched my mother in another. Both times, our postures and body language made the difference. Mine was dog-sitting for a neighbor: thought nothing of the fact that she was dogsitting for her daughter at the time. Neighbor's dogs knew me, but her grand-dog didn't. I opened the dog, to be confronted by a full grown, recently neutered dog who had been a breeding stud. Lots of practice with testosterone triggered behavior, right? That very first second, I was scared, felt out of my depth. Then I took a deep breath and told him, "Hey, I'm supposed to be here -- and you're not supposed to greet me that way." No trouble at all, the other dogs ran over to me to say hi, and he decided I was OK.
My mother, on the other hand, was in my aunt's house, walking down a hallway that ended in an L shape. Mother is phobic about dogs. My aunt's dog was walking the other way, and they met up at the point of the L. Mother got tense, cringed upright against the wall, staring him in the eyes. I got there just before she got hurt. Mind you, my aunt's dog is an 85# dog in a 110# body, a big baby in all senses of the word, not at all aggressive, tends to be just like a little kid wanting to be loved on all the time, eager to please. But my mother's fear put her into a threatening posture, and he was dangerous at that moment because he felt threatened.
What I'm saying here, by the way, in typical Rant style, is that sometimes the bullies do it because they're feeling threatened by us. Believe it or now, I do believe that. I've certainly experienced it myself in working environments. (Of course, it doesn't help that, at least in my corporate years, I was young, smart, good looking, well dressed and -- the kicker -- taller than a lot of my male coworkers. There are a lot of men who really feel threatened by tall, smart women -- especially those of us who are fortunate enough to be pretty.)
poster:Racer
thread:308985
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20040131/msgs/309515.html