Posted by DaisyM on January 24, 2004, at 1:36:09
In reply to Re: Daughter's criticism » fallsfall, posted by Penny on January 23, 2004, at 21:55:21
Ok, I almost never post over here but THIS one I have to...
As you know, my husband is has two severe chronic illnesses. Sometimes he is OK enough to be a parent but most times he is pretty much just OK enough to go to work and come home...nothing more. There is an ebb and flow to his involvement. His moods are all over the place, especially because of the medication he has to take. This is hard on the whole family, including the kids.
My older teenagers (16 -18) sometimes forget that THEY have mood swings as well. If they are in a negative place and so is their dad...well, let's just say it isn't pleasant. That doesn't mean that he doesn't have their best interest at heart. He sometimes has to remind them that everyone has to learn to live with stuff they would rather not have to.
Teenagers are cruel. They know exactly the spot to touch that will hurt the most. Even if you weren't depressed, it is likely that your daughter would find something else to criticize or rail against. It is in their nature.
I have a sign in my kitchen: "You can't scare me, I have teenagers." I have high expectations for them and I have tough rules. They complain, and I'm sure they resent it. But, since I "single" parent so often, I find I have to turn a deaf hear to it. Otherwise I second guess myself all the time or my feelings get terribly hurt. (As in, "don't they know I'm doing the best I can!)
You could tell her she hurt your feelings. But I think you might try to just accept that for now it is her way to begin to break away, to find excuses and test limits. Which makes you the bad guy. Which stinks.
Don't take it as truth. And I'm sorry she hurt you.
poster:DaisyM
thread:304836
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20040120/msgs/304895.html