Posted by Racer on January 16, 2004, at 1:28:52
In reply to Back to work after med leave. What do I say?, posted by sfmom on January 15, 2004, at 15:05:14
Of course, since I was self employed, and am not getting better, it's a little different. And I probably won't be able to get a client base back, since I've been out of touch for over six months now.
When I do talk about it at all, I tell people that it's a combination of a congenital, progressive problem, that came to a crisis because of stress -- both physical and emotional. Due to the situation -- my husband out of work for well over a year, and not doing much about it, three injuries within one year, etc -- that's partly enough. For those people I don't want to offend, one friend, one very loyal client, I tell them frankly that I almost died -- but don't specify that it was a suicide attempt -- and that the whole thing is still so uncertain that it disturbs me to go into details. Unfortunately, both are pretty sophisticated -- one a vet, the other a pharmacist -- so I have to be very careful what I say.
My problem is that most of the people I worked around can't quite imagine anyone being so sick for this length of time. To make matters worse, I was restricted from driving for a while, because of the risk of seizures from the drugs they put me on in the hospital. And, unfortunately, while my husband tries to be supportive, he really doesn't *do* much to help, and I need someone to help me in practical ways. {{sigh}} The pressures of all that's going undone is pretty overwhelming.
On the other hand, here's some more practical advice: tell the person you trust most in the workplace that what happened has long term consequences and is a chronic problem that you're still undergoing regular treatment for. All of that is true. Say also something along the lines of, "I have to learn to accept that I'll require long term treatment, and make major life adjustments. That process is still so raw, it's really hard for me to think about it, let alone talk about it, so please, if you can, discourage others from asking about what happened to me. Once I come to terms with it all, maybe then I'll be able to share."
If anyone presses for more information, please respect your boundaries and tell them that it's too upsetting, and ask them to respect your need to recover from the stunning blow. If you can manage a few, discreet tears, many will suspect a Female Problem, like cervical cancer, uterine cancer, breast cancer with reconstructive surgery, etc, and give you a break.
Why do people feel it's everyone's right to know the most intimate details of everyone else's medical conditions? Racer's Rant on the subject is simple: tabloid journalism. Pat yourself on the back for displacing the prurient interest in Kobe Bryant and Michael Jackson for a few minutes at least.
Best of luck to you. (And is sfmom a reference to my home town of 45 square miles? I like to think so, makes me feel that tenuous link.)
poster:Racer
thread:301291
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20040109/msgs/301480.html