Posted by reluctant on January 8, 2004, at 20:35:43
In reply to Re: land of the dropped R (or, the dropped ah) » reluctant, posted by Journeyman on January 7, 2004, at 21:57:08
journeyman, sorry if my last post was a little downbeat, especially since this one will be as well. of course, this *is* a board for folks with mental/emotional issues. I doubt that there are any boards out there for people who just generally feel pretty good about themselves and their place in the world and everyone in it.
Well, so, no blushing or stammering at today's meeting. But meetings are meetings. I was hoping to be able to talk to said guy after the meeting, but we were all heading our seperate ways and I just couldn't bring myself to make the extra step. It has certainly seemed to me, in the past, that he might also be interested in me - but as a result of past experiences, I'm terrified of guessing wrong. (I was kept on the back burner by someone who I had fallen madly for, for several years - it was like he wasn't sure he wanted to come in, but wouldn't get out of the doorway either. It was so painful and went on for so long that the idea of expressing affection for someone else - especially for the first time! - seems far riskier and scarier than it should). I just don't know how to not take these things so damn seriously, and that's the root of the problem. I'm always astounded by people who can "date" casually - it's entirely outside the realm of my experience, I've only ever had long term, serious relationships. Possibly a fling or two would be good for me . . .? maybe not. Anyhow, so tonight I'm feeling a little down & haunted by past experience, and kicking myself a bit. But the impatient side of me is pacing in the back of my head, saying "you'll miss your chance! And *then* how will you feel?"
bleah.
anyway . . . enough of that. I resolve, within the next (almost said two weeks but I think to be fair I'll give myself a little leeway) month, to make some kind of non-vague or easily dismissable action towards solving this dilemma. This means making myself vulnerable again. It would be really swell if I didn't have to be the one to go first, but somebody has to do it. You're the witness - I said it.
(oh, %&@# . . .)
- HERE ENDS THE EXTENDED WHINE -it's good that you came to terms with your father's death in a very positive way. I do think that there's some part of people that stays behind, at least for a while - not ghosts exactly, but some trace. I've heard so many stories about the deceased turning up in dreams, and the particular quality of those dreams, that I think that those dreams often *are* a real meeting - maybe all occuring in the dreamer's head, as dreams do, but influenced by a real presence.
I didn't know baked apples were old fashioned. It's my way of getting to have desert without having to leave the house in search of cookies.
Was freeport as horribly overrun when you were a child as it is now?
Hope it's considerably warmer down there than it is up here,
-r.
poster:reluctant
thread:297419
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20031229/msgs/298344.html