Posted by sfmom on January 7, 2004, at 0:30:47
In reply to Re: SFMom - Happy Birthday to you!!, posted by LynneDa on January 6, 2004, at 11:08:12
Hi Lynne,
Wow, 60 degrees in St. Louis! My friend went back to visit his family there last year or the year before and it was 13 degrees! But I have to say, from the kid in me that only rarely got to see the snow, I hope they get a chance to make snow angels and snowmen this year!
I've been in a hole for the last couple of days. Stayed in bed untill Alex and Rosalie got home and then tried to put on a happy face and make it up to them by making a nice dinner. But the stress is really taking a effect on Alex. He's been trying so hard to be strong and not burden me with his emotions but I know he's not happy about taking on all the extra responsibility. The house is a total mess. He came home tonight and started cleaning the kitchen with a vengence, when I told him I'd cook dinner and he could sit down, he told me that his friend was coming over and the house smelled like shit and I knew that he was embarrassed of us and how we're living right now. I just don't know. I was doing so much better and then it just got worse. I don't know if the meds have stopped working or if I need to up my dose. I can't up my Wellbutrin dose much more without it getting dangerous and my pdoc doesn't have any open appts until Feb. I'm now supposed to got back to work on the 21st. It was supposed to be the 19th, but that's a holiday. Sorry for going on and on. Alex is out tonight with his friends. He really needed a break. And I drank a whole bottle of wine. I know, not good for the depression or good with the meds, but it's the only thing that gets me through the night. I've been drinking almost every night, just so I can enjoy my family a little and get some sleep. I just don't know what to do instead.
What did you mean about clinging to your "bad behaviors?" I don't think any of us deserve any more sadness. You've been so helpful to me and so many more on this board. I have to thank you for staying on with Geri. I just don't have the emotional energy to respond right now, even though I read all of her posts and responses. You always seem to have such empathetic words for everyone. I'd like for you to be able to get the same in return from us. I'm sorry that I've been taking from you without giving. But it really means so much to me that you keep checking on me and extending your hand. I really can't tell you what it means to me.
Okay, I'm going to have a smoke and go to bed. Sorry for going on for so long in my drunken state. Actually, it's kind of pathetic that I'm actually not that drunk after drinking a bottle of wine. Shit, I was drunker than this last Saturday at my friend's birthday party. . .
Oh well. Good night and God bless.
Love, Lyssa
poster:sfmom
thread:295126
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20031229/msgs/297481.html