Posted by kara lynne on December 30, 2003, at 23:38:47
In reply to Re: narcissist moving on » kara lynne, posted by Larry Hoover on December 30, 2003, at 17:25:23
thanks lar, for slapping me back into reality.
I had a pretty good talk about it today; I realize that his calling them in the first place was entirely inappropriate, that it had nothing to do with me and everything to do with trying to make himself look good. Also, if you had five minutes to talk would you make sure to slip in that your life was now perfect and you looked really good and had a nice house? I have to wonder about that urgency. My parents should have hung up on him.
My therapist said it was bu*lsh*t of the 'highest order'. She thinks maybe he went to yoga twice, and we both know he can't stick with anything. She reminded me that not engaging will bother him most, which is the best motivation I can think of. His worst fear is that he isn't important enough to warrant a response. If he can keep me at war he can continue to make himself right and me wrong, because that is his reason for existing. By the same law he has to invalidate anything that would make himself accountable.
I go into a fugue state, where I start to doubt if what he did and said were really all that bad. She asked if those things were not to be considered important, where does it end? Not that he ever hit me, because he didn't, but if that were to follow would it be one more thing that I was blowing out of proportion?
I remember the night I decided to move out--when it finally went too far. The night I issued him his 'ultimatum' which caused him to become enraged. He wanted to move--not for me, but to get away from his drug source. I said I wouldn't move again unless we were going to get married, which we were to supposed to have done a year earlier. Issues came up and one of mine was the hope that we could have a better sexual relationship. The conversation took a turn for the worse and soon he was telling me if I had dinner ready for him maybe he would be more interested in making love to me. I was being really kind in the face of what I wanted to say to this lying, impotent drug addict, absentee boyfriend who had never kept his word about anything. In fact, I wouldn't engage--and that's when it began. I got so mad I just walked away, and heard him calling me a c**t from the next room. It was 2am and I couldn't call anyone so I went to the computer in the hallway and came to post at psychobabble in desperation. This is what caused him to go over the edge. As I was typing away (instead of arguing with him ) he lit into me until he was bellowing at the top of his lungs for me to take my things and get out of the house. I guess it was because he thought I might be making him look bad to whoever he thought I was writing.
And I came here and asked if maybe everything he said about me was true, because I was afraid it might be. He counted on that.
I remember being motivated by Gracie's story, and she was a great support to me during that period. Through eyes like her's it made so much sense to leave. I have to remember that.
poster:kara lynne
thread:294220
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20031229/msgs/294949.html