Posted by fayth on December 25, 2003, at 23:49:49
In reply to Re: Depressed and lied to » fayth, posted by chicklet2 on December 25, 2003, at 4:09:39
> hi there fayth
> sorry you're having such a rotten time.
>
> >>>>>>>>and the docters told me it was completely safe..
>
> It's so hard to find a doc that you can trust-isn't it? From what I've heard, many docs aren't even aware of the effects of stopping a drug.
>
> >>>they never gave me therapy for my fears and they never attempted to take me down or off
>
> aw that's so wrong. your experience was such a negative one and I'm so sorry that you were subjected to it...
>
> >>>They made so many mistakes with meds and health
>
> well maybe look at it this way- yeah what happened wasn't by any means fair...incompetency is rampant. But now you know what you need because you have some experience. And you can see toit that it doesn't happen again.
> maybe you can somehow learn from THEIR mistakes?
>
> >>>No one around me is giving me much support or what to expect...
>
> well posters on this board can really help you with that--i have found that there are so many kind genuine and knowledgeable people here...
> And boy can people that have been through it be a comfort to someone whose illness has affected them so.
>
> >>>I have hope that I can get out from under all this... At this moment I just feel very hopeless.
>
> i know the feeling.
> well.
> you WILL get throught this--and the people here can help you--even with the whole game-playing with docs.
>
> i'll be thinking of you---
> you aren't alone, kay?Thank you so very much. At the time, even my mom told me Xanax was safe. She had been on .25 a day for 10 years and never had a problem going off.. One of the docters that I had there I was very close to. She was really like a mom to me and she told me she would never put me on anything she wouldnt take herself or put her own family on. She had left me the addy of the new clinic she would be working at in Buffalo.. I called her but she simply said " I don't know anyone in NY anymore... I will pray for you.."
Alot of my friends don't speak to me because I cant just go to Bellview and be strapped to a bed for days and come out like new... they dont understand that it dosnt work that way... these are friends I have had for 7 and 8 years,,, my own sister does not even speak to me any longer because she did not agree with going on anti depressants... funny she speaks to my mom who was the one who really pushed for me to get on all this stuff... I dont even get an appolgy from my mom she just says..." well no one put a gun to your head and told you to take it..." Yeah but I had so many fears even she said you'll only scare yourself by looking at side effects so just do what the docs tell you.
Alot of friends have said.. I want to help but I cant so I feel I'd rather stay away.. I try to tell them that just knowing they are still my friend is more than enough... this is what happened to me and my best friend of 23 years.. I miss her everyday...
There were many mess ups that made me even more afraid... example... we went to one private docter who wanted to put me on Klonapin instead.. I told him that that med didnt really gel well with me but I was willing to try.. since it wasnt working he kept telling me to go on higher and higher doseages till he had me on about 6 to 8 mgs a day.. ( I am 5 foot 2 and about 115) I was passing out, slurred speach and couldnt remember what I was saying in the middle of a sentence... I finally said to the guy.. " Look I'm sick and I cant take this drug" he said " Im not giving you Xanax so find another docter" Click... Firstly I DID NOT ask for Xanax.. I simply said I was not able to take THAT med... he ASSUMED I was looking for Xanax... I was left without a docter.. no one will change your script back... I had to wait 30 days ( and of course stay on Klonapin as you cant stop a benzo) to get thru another clinic system they switched me back to my 1 and half mg of Xanax but a week later I was waking up with dry mouth racing heart... I went to hospital as I thought I was sick or something.. then I figured out I was probobly having reaction from going off tons of Klonapin... docs there denyed that.. then when they finally agreed they said to just gohome and wait it out... no help no support NOTHING...Then the new doc there wanted to start tearing apart my meds and changing everything... nothing I said was taken into consideration... I was not told at ALL what her "new plan" for meds even was... I had NO SAY in what was happening to me...
I was just so shell shocked I had to go stay with my mom for 8 months... I got no support or understanding at home... { " you mean we have to go thru this for months while you go down and off... if it's going to be like this I'd rather just have you stop taking it and get it over with" Gee why dont you just run me over with a bus...)
The doc in Ohio whose been in practice for 30 years wanted to simply stop xanax as he felt one and a half MGs was not enough to cause a problem... I had to fight with him for a tapper... I couldnt ask him questions about reactions because he didnt even believe they were happening...
Now I am being sent BACK to Cabrini to be tappered off... I am not even allowed to call and ask my psyhc doc questions outside of seeing her once a month.. I have told her I get very bad flu like aches.. her answer " lots of people have pain... deal with it"
Once in Hospital for a migraine.. I told the docs 3 times AT LEAST the meds I was on... nurse came in and took blood and shoved a tub in and started an IV... I said "what are you giving me?? Do you know what meds I am on?" She said, very curtly, "Its for your headache.. docter knows your meds..." well later that day I went home and got more and more sick... I walked over to my GP and the second I got in the door I had a seizure... which they call a distonic reaction.. it is a intense reaction that is exactly like a Parkinsonian fit... They gave me a drug that even a GP knows you dont give someone with the meds I am on.
I am now down to .25mgs a day.. ( .25 2x per day)Not to be a complainer but I have been on my own since 15 years old... I came to NY at 19 ( I am now 34) I never had family to help, husband or boyfriend... just me.. EVERYTHING I saved is gone.. I could lose my home at any minute.. some people say... oh the home isnt such a big deal.. lose it and you'll get another one.. firstly I LOVE MY HOME.. its all I have left that these people havent taken away from me... secondly.. I have NO CREDIT and could never get another place.. Everyone is saying I have to go to medical detox... I just cant do that for many reasons.. I mean even if you do that they still have to put you on something else to ween off of after that... this has been going on for 3 years.. if I cant return to the real world soon I'll just go nuts.. Not to mention... I dont want these people touching me anymore than they absolutely have to at this point..frankly I dont have a reason to trust them any further than I can throw them... I went against my family and fought very hard to be an artist... they stole everything from me that I loved.. If I could have one wish for christmas it would be to never be afraid again.. to never see another ER or doc ever again.. Its hard enough to get through all this on your own.. but if and once I do... I dont have a friend family or a penny to my name.. it took me a long time to put away 12,000 dollars for school for myself..
Besides that I have had friends calling me up and yelling at me that I am no better than people who go to clubs and take drugs... and weening means I just dont want to get off it.. I cant understand why I am the bad guy.
I have had alot of depression over the last 2 weeks.. is this normal from going off Xanax? Also none of the docs think I should be getting body aches...
There is so much on me I feel I cant breathe.. I was never afraid... I traveled and lived all over the world by myself.. now sometimes I get so scared I cant even sleep in my own apt.. I feel like these people are going to wind up killing me.. that may sound extreame but considering whats happened ...
Anyone out there know a nice kind doc that could help me ween and wont poo poo my symptoms.. ??? I wish so much I could sue this clinic.. I know I probobly cant.. I am sorry but this wasnt some mistake... they knew damned well what they were doing.. I sure didnt write the scripts myself.. Now they are telling me they stopped prescribing that drug because NOW they know all the problems it causes.... I was soooo mad.. yeah right everyone and their mother in other NYC hosptials knew 3 years ago but you just got the news flash last month??? It makes me mad because its just plain insulting to my intellegence..
I called St Vincents in NY and they wont even prescibe it to help you ween off it thats how strongly they feel about that drug.. so I asked them... then what does someone like me do... their answer... go back to the clinic that put you on it!!!!!! CAN YOU BELIEVE THAT?
This drug should be illegal for daily use for more than 2 to3 months... that is plenty of time for someone to get coping skills and counseling and not need the drug.. and THAT is ALL a benzo should be used for..
poster:fayth
thread:293205
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20031217/msgs/293445.html