Posted by Emme on December 19, 2003, at 23:34:59
In reply to All I want to do is STAY HOME!, posted by devon00 on December 19, 2003, at 19:05:48
> Ugh, I'm 27 years old and all I ever want to do on nights or weekends is STAY HOME. Yet I am always so bored by my life. Is this really weird?
Is there any hobby or activity that you've always wanted to take up? If so, you might find a class to take via your local adult ed programs?
> I am very picky about my friends. I am easily disappointed and only get along with certain people. I don't really have *any* casual friendships (because I can't put up with disappointment from others)
Have casual friends disappointed you in the past in some way?
> only close friendships.
You are capable of establishing strong friendships. Under what circumstances did you meet those good friends, and how did you get to be close?
> The thing is that really good friends--the ones you can depend on, who understand you and are forgiving--are hard to find.
I think the strongest friendships grow with time and sometimes it takes a while to get to the point where you really understand each other.
> The problem with not having casual friendships is that I sit home hanging out alone a great deal of the time. I'm afraid that my youth is slipping away and my chance to have fun going out and being crazy with friends will go with it. Yet I cannot help but take *everything* seriously in my friendships. I don't even know *how* to have a casual friendship.
Hmmm...maybe you're thinking too hard about the casual vs. non-casual. Think of whether you enjoy spending time with someone, plan things you enjoy (crazy or non-crazy), and let the degree of closeness either develop or not develop.
And do you need to be crazy? Some people have really enjoyable social lives doing more quiet things. At any rate, it sounds like you do need to get out more.
First, you need to find ways to be more socially active to jump-start some new acquaintances. It'll take some work and it's scary, but it'll keep you busy.
Do you know any of your neighbors? Do you like any of your co-workers? Throw a dinner party where you provide all the food, and invite those people with the stipulation that they must bring along someone that you don't know.
Join the local Y and see if there are any pickup basketball games.
I think a good way to get to know people is to work together on projects. Any civic issues you feel strongly about? Planning? Environmental issues? Seek out committees or commisions and try to get involved.
Volunteer for Habitat for Humanity. Good people working on good projects.
Are you a granola kind of person? Is there a local food coop store? If so, join up and you'll do some hours working there as part of your membership and there will be social activities.
Volunteer to be an usher at a theater. Even if that doesn't pan out socially, you'll see some entertainmnet for free!
Do you like the outdoors? Hike? Bike? Ski? If you do, then go to the local sporting goods stores. They will know of any clubs. If you join a club, volunteer to work on an organizing committee.
Keep trying different things. It would be good if you found a group with a good dynamic already going and you can fit in. The key is that if you think it's a good group or activity, you should keep showing up.
> I'm pretty neurotic and maybe slightly compulsive, so I just don't know how to be laidback and have fun with whoever's around. Furthermore, even though I've lived here for four years now, I just don't have local friends. (Is that really sad?)
Well, yes, it's a bummer. But you're not unique in this. Some places are tougher than others for meeting people. If you're in a city, then you'll have more diversity of things to do to meet new people. Good luck.
Emme
poster:Emme
thread:291729
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20031217/msgs/291801.html