Posted by Dog on December 15, 2003, at 13:24:04
In reply to Re: Xmas/Holiday Depression! Any advice? » Dog, posted by Susan J on December 15, 2003, at 12:36:59
Susan, thanks, your reply really made my eyes start to tear up...you are so right, its not about me and my feelings and my (perhaps just perceived... i hope so) inability to pick out good gifts , its about family, and love, and giving to others, you gave me some great ideas! you are so right, i don't remember hardly anything i got for Xmas as a child, but i do remember the family dinners and get-togethers, and traditions... i so want to be a better father to my daughter and a better husband to my wife... thanks for the good word!
Dog (who feels better this Xmas because of you!)
> Hey,
>
> I saw Penny's post, too, and I was going to post something similar to you. First, Penny, I'm really happy you are feeling better. Wanna tell us your secret? :-)
>
> I have noticed recently that a lot of my friends/acquaintances who deal with depression have all just taken a nosedive into he** in the past month or so. I don't know why that is...holidays....no sun....?
>
>
>
> >>i mean, i want to give my wife and daughter the best and the most, but know i can't afford it
> <<Gift-giving anxiety. :-) Been there, done that. I'm totally sure that whatever you get is just wonderful and it's only your perception that the gifts may not be good enough. Why don't you establish a new family tradition around Christmastime that becomes associated with *dad.* In my family, we all went to see the christmas lights in heavily decorated neighborhoods. And the big rich guy in town had a HUGE tree (like 150 ft tall) that he decorated with lights and it was just amazing. So Dad piled us into the car and we went around looking at this stuff.
>
> When I look back fondly on Christmas, it's the traditions I remember most, never any particular present. Like Mom making stolen for brunch on Christmas Day or Dad making a fire, or family coming over on Christmas Eve. That type of thing. No $$ involved. :-)
>
> There are so many of those Festival of Lights things these days, where it's $12 a carload or something to drive through the Christmas light sculptures and such....do you have any near you?
>
> ...i am such a dud
> <<Nope, you are not a dud. :-)
>
> >>but i feel a constant dread during the holidays plus feelings of hopelessness, unworthiness, etc. i don't want to feel these feelings, esp. during the holidays...and esp. don't want to spoil it for my wife and daughter...
> > anyone have any advice?
> <<If nothing's really wrong, then I guess it's just a symptom of depression. I'm nooooo expert, nowhere near. But I *do* find that repeating *good* stuff to myself really makes me start to believe it. I *am* a good dad, I *am* a good husband, etc. Really.
>
> Another thing my family did later in my life was adopt a family in the area to give gifts to. We did it through the local social services department, and we'd all get gifts and wrap them, and give them to the family. Giving to someone *other* than a friend or relative, someone who really *needs* stuff, is very uplifting to me, very affirming, and helps replace some of those negative, sad thoughts/feelings I get this time of year.
>
> Dunno if any of this helps. But I wish you the best.
>
> Susan
>
poster:Dog
thread:289960
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20031207/msgs/290065.html