Posted by JimD on December 7, 2003, at 7:56:35
In reply to Ex left message., posted by kara lynne on December 7, 2003, at 3:04:38
Ooooh...that is a good one. I must say, exs have a way (at least mine and yours, it seems) of popping into your life when you least expect/want it.
You absolutely did the right thing by calling him back and putting him in his place. The analogy I used for my ex was that he treated me like a yo-yo: When he wanted/missed me, he'd pull me in tight to him, and when he didn't, it he'd cast me away. For example, earlier this week, I saw him at a restaurant and he left me a cutesy little voicemail afterwards. I did the same thing you did - called him up and left him a voicemail saying that he can't continue to flirt with me while he's dating someone else. Of course, because he's a control freak, he had to call back and make an issue out of it. I finally made a decision that was a year coming, and told him that friendship is not possible. Since we broke up a year ago, we have attempted, on multiple occasions, to be 'friends.' This usually amounts to us spending time apart to put 'space' between us, him dating someone else, it not working out, him coming back looking for me to be his friend, us getting close and sleeping together again. Again, I was sick of being treated like a yo-yo.
I think the whole ex relationship around Christmas is difficult. I almost feel like I should buy him something, knowing that he probably will for me, but we did a gift exchange last year (month after we broke up), and it was silly. I got him a nice gift because he called and said the same thing about how he had gotten me something, and he got me some thoughtless "I saw this at the store and grabbed it just because" gift. Forget your ex: Give yourself a present and put him out of your life.
I, too, am accused of being the one who has 'a problem' by my ex, who perceives himself as flawless. The only problem that you have is that you finally realized what a prick he is. Just because he wants to make a nice gesture and 'keep in touch' through small talk voicemails does not make him a person worthy of your time. Obviously, there are some undertones of 'I want to let you know i'm moving on' by the fact that he mentioned mexico so teasingly. I've come to realize that the less I know about my ex, the happier I am. I dont want to hear about his vacations with friends/new flings...just makes it more difficult.
As for the flirting: good for you! I had the most amazing past couple of days: met someone online who is a complete sweetheart, and we've been going out and having the time of our lives together. Do i still miss my ex? Of course. There's a tremendous void that will take more than 2 dates to fill. I also flirted it up at the bar on Friday. Not that I expect the phone numbers that I collected to turn into anything, but just knowing that I 'haven't lost it' makes me feel great. You should get out and do some more...even if the recipients are just player bartenders, it's fun. :)
My last words of wisdom: Get off the roller coaster ride he's putting you on. I know how hard it is (I woke up early this morning because I had an anxiety attack just thinking about my ex and his new relationship and how much it hurts me to think that I've been replaced.) It's the up and down of emotions that is making you so tired. You literally go to hell and back with every time you talk to him...it's not worth it for you. If he can't understand your motives, tell him that simply.
I wish this would go away overnight for both you and me. I know it's not likely to for either of us, but that if we don't continue to try, we'll never move on. Things that have been helping me: Focus on you. Be selfish and narcissistic. Look at yourself in the mirror and realize all of the things that you contribute to the world. Laugh at your ex's folly for not realizing just how amazing you are.
Sorry about the novel. Obviously, this hits extremely close to home, and I'm feeling every bit as confused/angry/upset/sad/deflated as you. Know that you're not alone.
poster:JimD
thread:287342
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20031207/msgs/287364.html