Posted by deirdrehbrt on November 7, 2003, at 23:00:55
In reply to Handling Pushy, Wellmeaning Friend, posted by KellyD on November 7, 2003, at 22:19:00
Kelly,
I have a number of friends just like that. I love them to death, but they may be the death of me. (looking for bad puns tonight, sorry to inflict one of them on you)
The ones that I'm talking about are the ones that insist that my P-doc has me on too many meds, or that I need to ignore my docs and go back to work.... then I'll get more energy and get out of this slump, not to mention that I don't need SSDI after all.
Some of my so-called friends have abandoned me over the past few years. If you remind me, I might just be able to remember to miss them.
There are those who despite what I've been going through have proven to be true gifts from God. These people have stood by me where spouse, siblings, and many others have taken their leave. These are the people who are there when I need them, and who I want to be there for as well.
I don't think that there is such a thing as pushy, wellmeaning friend. A true friend is like those I mentioned above. The pushy, wellmeaning sorts aren't as much a friend, as they are someone who needs a cause to satisfy their own ego. If you take their advice, and by some trick of fate you manage to improve a bit, they will be beside themselves with tales of derring do.
(The previious paragraph is my opinion only, and may be a bit jaded due to recent events in my own life. You may though, be able to relate.)
I know that I would rather be with the true friends. Most of these people have experienced the difficulties and trials that life has to offer. They know what it is like to be at the mercy of a malfunctioning brain. They know what it is like to have their particular illness listed in the DSM-IV. They know what it is like to be in a lock-down mental-health ward. They know what it's like, in some way, to be me.
I guess that with the do-gooders, I try to decide how entertaining they are; how much history I have with them, and if it's worth continuing. Some of these people can be toxic. It takes so much more energy to be with them, and you get so little out of it, that the economics speak for themselves. There are some that are mostly harmless, and there is a history with them, that it is good to maintain contact, if only to have someone to see a movie with, go out for a lunch, or coffee. These aren't the people that I want to share deep memories or strong feelings with, but they are nice for light chat.
I'm rambling, when I should be sleeping.
Good luck.
Dee.
poster:deirdrehbrt
thread:277640
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20031031/msgs/277651.html