Posted by deirdrehbrt on November 2, 2003, at 7:52:34
In reply to Re: Abusive Brother's birthday, posted by Elle2021 on November 1, 2003, at 2:51:56
Elle,
I don't know if it's a matter of me writing Him off, or if it's more a matter of letting him pretend that I don't exist. Aside from not wanting to admit the reality of my situation, my family wants me to continue to play the role that they feel I ought to. Having done that for so many years, I find myself very tired.
I would never completely write anyone off. If someone came to me, and wished to accept me for whom I am, I would welcome them back into my life without hesitation. If, however, they came to me still pressing their agenda, still wanting me to be who they think I sould be, I cannot expend that energy anymore. I need to be me, and the acting must be left for the stage.
One of my brothers wrote me an e-mail and stated that to him, I am already dead. If that is how he truly feels, then it is much easier to allow him that fantasy than it is to constantly try to get him to see the reality of my situation.
I certainly wish things were different, but I believe that it is my family who has written the text of that relationship. I will let them have their idea of family unsullied by my presence, and I will live my own life, apart from them. True, it's sad, but I would rather live my life, on my own terms, than to constantly find myself on the edge of suicide.
If I owe anyone anything, it's my kids. I know they love their uncles. I don't do anything to keep them apart. When they talk to me thoug, I sometimes need to correct the ideas of the facts that they have heard.
Well, I don't want to go on all day, so Happy Sunday to all.
Dee.
poster:deirdrehbrt
thread:275432
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20031031/msgs/275728.html