Posted by fallsfall on October 31, 2003, at 7:49:25
In reply to Need a little affirmation please., posted by sfmom on October 30, 2003, at 21:15:27
Parents are like that, yeah they are.
I think that sometimes parents with healthy children and grandchildren say things like that, too. Either they figured out too late that they should have done things differently with us, or they think that it is still their job to run our lives, or they haven't realized that we've grown up already. I've seen suggestions about calmly (yeah, right...) telling the parent that you are the baby's mom, and that you are trying very hard to do the right thing for your baby, and that you will listen to his (uncritical) opinions, and then you will make your own decision on how to raise your child. You love him and respect him, but you are the mother and you are a grownup.
I think that if the grandparents can't learn to suggest and then let it go rather than to order you around, that it can end up being a negative experience to see them. Right now you don't need any negative experiences.
Sure, you have depression, and that does color the way you interact with the world. But you are NOT your depression, and I would bet that you are making many, many very sound decisions for your child every day. Realize that you aren't perfect, but you aren't a complete failure, either. You will make mistakes. You will scream when she's done nothing wrong, you will zone out when she is doing something messy, you will want her to take naps just because you want one. Healthy mothers do these things, too.
If you love your daughter and let her know, if you keep her relatively physically safe (she's going to fall and get bruises and cuts - she's 2, but you do need to keep her fingers out of those electrical sockets), if you give her mostly what she needs in terms of food and shelter, if you make sure that either you are providing her with environmental stimulation - or that you are making sure that someone else does (her dad? a neighborhood play group? the park?) then she will be fine, and you are a very good mother.
I think that an awful lot of your concern is a standard parenting concern - And I have not seen you post anything that would make me think that you aren't a good parent (there may be things you wish you could do, but we all have limits. Accept your limits and just make sure that if there is something that you can't give her that she is getting it somewhere else.)
I think that if you feel more confident as a mom, then it will be easier to tell your dad that you are the mom and you have it all under control.
P.S. Just because you need someone to help "take care" of you, doesn't mean that you aren't already taking care of your daughter.
poster:fallsfall
thread:275115
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20031031/msgs/275193.html