Posted by madwand on October 16, 2003, at 12:22:47
In reply to Scary Internet Dating, posted by Susan J on October 16, 2003, at 11:59:36
Hi Susan,
Part of the problem is that online tends to distort normal perceptions. Thus the fellow you perceive as "normal" might be unsuitable but one of the ones you perceive as "weirdos" might turn out to be a good match.
I have to confess, though, that my perspective comes from having been on the "male" side of the internet dating scenario. It seems as though you get a response and then (for reasons that are difficult to discern, despite going over and over the dialogs looking for what went wrong) the person just goes away . Or you never hear back in the first place and wonder what peculiar nuance you got wrong in the opening note.
Anyway, I would have two thoughts for you. One would be to write to the "normal" one that has stopped responding (this is the one who got the picture, right?) and level with him about where you are at. Say that you are starting to interpret his non-response as a negative reaction to the picture and that you would appreciate clarification (try to do this like an inquiry not a "why haven't you written me?" accusation).
As for the weirdos, you might consider giving them a second look rather than an outright dismissal. Tell the guy who went on and on about his sexual prowess that, "that's interesting, but its a little too earlier in the relationship to go into that level of detail". Same thing with the "hotel room" guy. Tell him that it is a generous offer, but you need/want to get to know him better first.
My apologies if this perspective isn't what you wanted, but I hope that a "male" perspective might help. Don't forget the "mars/venus" thing -- guys
do a lot better with explicit, verbal communication. Good luck!Michael
poster:madwand
thread:270019
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20031011/msgs/270026.html