Posted by Penny on October 2, 2003, at 8:41:36
In reply to Re: It's my birthday and I'll cry if I want to... » Penny, posted by Tabitha on October 1, 2003, at 20:14:48
Well, my coworker who knew about my birthday must've said something yesterday afternoon, b/c about 4:30 several of my coworkers told me happy birthday and asked why I didn't say anything. And then my boss stopped in my office this morning and apologized for not realizing it was my birthday - I told him it wasn't like I said anything.
I guess it just takes the fun out of it if you have to tell people about things like that. But I shouldn't expect them to just know.
Then I was on the way home last night and was talking to my grandmother on my cell and remembered that I have an appointment today with the headache clinic here at UNC that I've had for 9 months that I meant to cancel. At the time the appointment was made, I was having daily headaches and had been for years. For some reason they seem to have nearly stopped (I still get on average about 1 headache a week, though they're not severe ones usually). So I saw no reason to go. But I forgot to cancel the appointment and then got really really upset b/c I didn't want to go for no reason and have to pay to see those docs, etc. But I couldn't remember what time the appointment was and for some reason I didn't have it written in my calendar. I went home and tore the house apart (literally throwing papers) looking for the appointment sheet I got in the mail, and was a total wreck - screaming at myself, crying, full of anger at myself, wanting to hurt myself. Not a good place to be. I thought about paging my pdoc, as he's told me to do, but I don't have a regular phone hooked up yet in my new place and paging him from my cell doesn't work very well (messes up the numbers). So I didn't. Nor did I call my therapist, even though I have her home number and I'm sure she would have understood. But it was really not a good place to be.
After I found the paper I calmed down and then went out (per fallsfall's recommendation) and got ice cream - pumpkin pie and double chocolate - I just bought two pints and came back home and ate some. Not all of it, but about half. Then I went to Walmart and just walked around, and my great-aunt called me and we talked while I was there. Her feeling is that I should consider moving nearer to family - my feeling is that *that* isn't going to fix anything.
So I have therapy tonight and see my pdoc again tomorrow where I'm going to tell him that the Remeron isn't working at all for the depression and might be helping slightly with sleep, but not significantly, so I don't want to take it anymore. Then we can talk again about what few drugs I have left to try - I think he's getting frustrated. I know I am.
Oh - and I was able to cancel the headache clinic appointment this morning without any problem. I was afraid they would charge me since I didn't give 24 hours notice. Thankfully they won't.
Anyway - thanks for the birthday wishes from everyone. I appreciate them!
P
poster:Penny
thread:264686
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20031002/msgs/264890.html