Posted by Susan J on September 11, 2003, at 9:44:19
I need help or I'm going to lose my job. I've been struggling with depression for a year and a half. I've had it before, but never this bad. Last summer was torture, crying ALL the time, couldn't focus, didn't do anything but lay on the couch. I came into work every day because if I stayed home alone I wanted to die.
Last summer, at my lowest, I was actually getting some work done, though. Not quickly, but at least by deadlines.
This summer, when I seem to feel a little better (not crying *every* day, no suicidal thoughts), I can't concentrate at work at all! I have one set of projects that I haven't even started since April, and I don't know why nobody has said anything to me. I know I should do them, but I feel paralyzed about dealing with them. I'm paralyzed from starting a lot of things that scare me. I have two projects ahead of me, not in my subject area, that I'm terrified to start, cuz I don't know *where* to start....
End result, I'm not doing nearly as much work as I need to do. My boss knows I'm dealing with depression and seems to be understanding, but I haven't talked to him lately about it.
I mean, it's absolutely TERRIFYING to me I can't make my brain work right to get my work done. After all, I get PAID to use my brain. That's all I'm supposed to do.
Is this type of fear of starting a project for fear of failure, etc. a normal symptom of depression? What can I do to cope? My therapist really hasn't given me much guidance here. Have any of you dealt with this? What did you do?
I'm single. I'm the only paycheck. I have a house I don't want to lose. A way of life I don't want to lose. ??
Please.....any thoughts would be really appreciated.....
Susan
poster:Susan J
thread:259027
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20030829/msgs/259027.html