Posted by jay on September 2, 2003, at 12:53:01
September...."Sundowning"...down..down...
Man, Sept. 1 (yesterday), and WHAM, the sadness hit. I think most of us with some type of mood disorder also are likely to experience Seasonal Affective Disorder.(aka SAD). It's like this bitter-sweet thing, because I am gonna go on a few weekend trips, hiking amongst some of the most beautiful fall colours in the world. (For examples of this beauty, go here: http://www.algonquinecolodge.com/fallcolours.html
and
http://physun.physics.mcmaster.ca/okon/phot/afall1.jpg
http://physun.physics.mcmaster.ca/okon/phot/afall2.jpg
http://physun.physics.mcmaster.ca/okon/phot/afall3.jpg
http://physun.physics.mcmaster.ca/okon/phot/afall4.jpg
http://physun.physics.mcmaster.ca/okon/phot/afall5.jpgIt's the most beautiful scenery in the world, yet I am left sad. I really wish I knew why. Maybe it represents a part of the past, that obviously I can never bring back. I also, in some odd ways, would never want to lose this quality. I am also not a religious person, but if I ever felt closer to a 'Creator', this would be the place it would happen. I feel closer also, to the ones I love, because I used to go up here with my loved ones (for those of you who know the story...I really can't and don't want to explain and go through it again...enough tears for the past month...). Sometimes, actually often since I was a little kid, I dreamt (daydream and all) that this is my permanent home, and would be my whole world. I am a true 'dreamer', and don't like cities, subdivisions, glass and steel, tacky front-lawns, air that smells, etc. Now at 33, I still don't, and maybe this is something telling *me* something...that I have to make this big change. I've accepted that I don't want to do it alone, though, and that in itself is a whole other expedition. 'Cause once I get up there, I imagine my chances of finding a partner are slim...and I can't spend my summer chasing around those park-ranger babes..(oww those uniforms...such sweet gals...;-)
Heck, yesterday, again, I went to a walk-in medical clinic, and the doctor I had, her name was Kim, mannnnn was just so 'purrrrfect' for me. Her eyes...her face...her sweet smile....geezzzzus I nearly melted right there. :-) I have always fantasized of marrying a female doctor..not just for the money of course!!...but the brains. Mmmmmhmmmm. YUM :P But, before I even consider that, I'd like at least 6 months to a year of good mental health under my belt. I'd never want to throw so much of my 'baggage' onto someone.Anyhow...back into Dreamland...:-)
Jay
poster:jay
thread:256341
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20030829/msgs/256341.html