Posted by Eddie Sylvano on August 21, 2003, at 15:41:06
In reply to What do (healthy) men look for in a woman?, posted by Susan J on August 21, 2003, at 10:57:06
It isn't really a gender specific issue, imho. Men aren't any more finicky than women. I probably have a horribly jaded view of things, but I tend to see people in general looking for a mate based on qualities that they have been *taught* to desire, but may not ultimately appreciate themselves. To be general, everybody wants someone who is confident and powerful, "good looking" for their gender (men:bigger is better. Military hair. Gold chain or two; women:smaller is better (so is blond hair)), someone who isn't smarter than them, but not too much stupider, and someone who is well liked by others (popular, so to speak). Mate choice seems to be about enhancing one's social standing.
Now, that's my take, and I think it has merit. What throws everyone is that they *think* they want a person with Romantic Comedy characteristics (sweet, kind of peculiar, etc). No one would claim to want the type of person I described in the first paragraph, just like no one claims to like negative political ads, but they still work. The disparity between people's beliefs about themselves and their ultimate actions is remarkable.
A lot of it boils down to the fact that people are selfish. It makes sense. Who else is going to look out for you? Normal people tend to think pretty highly of themselves, as witty, unique, deserving people, filtering out the bad things and exaggerating the good. Everyone is "zany" and special, requiring some unattainable foil to complete them. In short, they're way too critical, and pass over people all the time that they would probably appreciate a great deal if they weren't so neurotic about their desires.
I don't think there's anything you can do to enhance your appeal in any broad way that would also be beneficial in the long run. If you think that the extra weight is an issue, you could lose it, but then you set yourself up for failure later if you gain it back ("you used to look better!"). Weight should be mainly a health concern, between you and your doctor.
Having said all that, I would just suggest that you increase your exposure to other people, maintain a pleasant presence, and perhaps initiate conversations with people you like (and have at least some reason to believe may reciprocate). I've found that waiting for others to act is a guaranteed lock on single life. Also, it always seems that it's not until I stop looking too hard that things happen for me. Just be unabashedly yourself, and the right people will notice (cliche, but for a reason).
poster:Eddie Sylvano
thread:252745
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20030818/msgs/252838.html