Posted by yesac on August 14, 2003, at 14:16:22
In reply to Re: Anyone here today?, posted by kara lynne on August 14, 2003, at 13:15:10
Hi KL... glad you're here!
Well, my meds right now are: Parnate 90mg and Neurontin 600mg. I just went off Lamictal and have been off of it since Monday - no problems there with either withdrawal or feeling differently, so I guess I know it really wasn't doing anything. The Neurontin I've only been on for 2 weeks, although it seems like longer. It's the Parnate that I'm thinking I'll go off of. Like, 60mg is the maximum recommended dose, but I've seen that people sometimes go a lot higher, so I put myself up to 90 just to see. And now I think, well should I try going up to 120? But at some point, you just have to make the decision to stop. The other thing is that I could try adding lithium, but I'm not too keen on that. I kind of feel like I just want to get off the parnate and start fresh with something totally new. It's true, Tuesday's really not far, but in some ways I just don't want to wait. Especially last night I felt really desperate like I really needed to see him ASAP. But I don't feel like that so much today.
I worry about the weekend, too, as you probably know because I post about it like every weekend! Yeah, the "bring your focus to yourself" bit is sometimes a lot harder than it sounds. The whole "take time for yourself, do what YOU want to do" and all of that. What I want to do is - nothing. There is nothing that I want to do. But I don't want to do nothing. The big fat irony of my depression. And it's even harder to get myself to do stuff when I'm by myself. I just can't get enough motivation, and I just sit there and think "oh forget it, it probably isn't even worth it anyway." Sometimes I try to do these things that are nice for myself, like I took a bath about a month ago because it's one of those things you always hear about being such a treat to yourself. Well, I found it to be incredibly boring. I was just laying there in the tub, like "well this sucks". At least it killed some time, though.
I don't have ANY plans for this upcoming weekend either. At least for the past few weekends I've had at least a little something planned. I don't know what I'll do. This is really sad, but I think that I might actually drive about 30 minutes to this place where I know there is a Taco Bell and right next to it a Dairy Queen, and get a 7-layer burrito and then ice cream. For some reason, there aren't many of either of those places around here. And doing something like that is about all I can handle. I'd like to do more interesting things, go to cool places (especially because I am new to this state and I've been meaning to see the stuff here), but it's just too much for me.
Unpacking is hard. (so is packing for that matter). I always take a long time to unpack and settle in. I've lived at my place now since January, and still there is some disorder with where certain things should go, etc. I have this candle fixture that I've been meaning to hang on the wall for months, but still haven't done it. It's not even because I don't want to be there exactly. I don't know what it is.
I thought the thing you said a while ago about eating with the same plastic fork was funny. I can totally see myself doing that! But maybe if you just unpack a little bit at a time... You know, just like one bag/box per day or something. You know, set little goals.
Have you tried to talk to your new neighbors at all? At least maybe they could be someone to chat with now and then, if not the best friends ever!
poster:yesac
thread:247662
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20030808/msgs/250827.html