Posted by Penny on July 9, 2003, at 11:28:27
Okay, so I know I keep complaining about my roommate, but this is truly the only place I can sound off right now, especially since my therapist is still out of town. Thank goodness I see her on Monday, but that seems like such a long way away right now...
I've been doing Weight Watchers since January of this year - had lost 35 lbs. After sliding into the Pit recently, my weight has started to creep back on, mostly because I crave sweets all the time and just haven't had the will power or motivation to stop myself from eating whatever I want. That's what I do when I'm depressed - eat.
Anyway, she said something about cooking dinner tonight and was there anything I wanted, and I told her that I have to get back on plan and so on, and she asked if she joined, would it be easier for me, which was thoughtful, and I told her that they do say it's easier when you join with a friend. But then I told her that if she just gave me some support and encouragement, and did little things, like covering up her cakes and whatnot, so I can't see them, that would help tremendously.
She has this glass cake plate, so when she bakes something, it's on display. Very tempting, though I try to ignore it.
So she said something about how she loves her cake plate and about how she tried to give me support in the past but that I acted all 'snotty' and like I didn't want her support and would act like she didn't know s**t about WW. She said she always tries to be supportive.
My problem? I can't understand why she seems to remember every bad thing I've ever said or done to her. Everything. She holds a grudge longer than any person I know. She even said, "you might not remember this..." and she's right, I don't.
It makes me think of my dad, who used to tell me I was a snob. Funny, to think of myself that way, as my self-esteem is about an inch high. And, of course, this whole thing just reinforces my belief about myself - that I'm a terrible person.
So I ended up in tears, and I haven't emailed her back, and she just sent me an email asking if I was okay, and what do I say to her? Everything I say she takes in the wrong way, but if I say i'm fine, I'm just doing what I accuse her of doing - holding it all in. I hold it in because she takes it all the wrong way. And perhaps I do the same thing.
I feel like crap.
poster:Penny
thread:240290
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20030704/msgs/240290.html