Posted by dave40252 on June 1, 2003, at 17:10:45
In reply to Girls: Frank talk about sex, depression and meds, posted by babs on May 21, 2003, at 18:29:10
Addressing something to just "the girls" is the best way to ensure the guys read it! Perspective from an old married guy (18 years)who also tends to obsess about his relationship/marriage. First, don't sweat it that he "takes care of himself" I think all guys do whether they get all they want or not. In fact, I find that i take care of myself more often when my "real" sex life is more active. Kind of like cocaine - the more you got the more you want kind of thing.
Also dont worry about the orgasm thing...my wife can have an orgasm from regular vaginal sex...but not always. But when we get more creative she almost always can. Also the fact that the ssri's make it harder for ME to orgasm doesn't hurt :)
We haven't used toys - but I wouldnt feel bad if she brought one..i am guessing it would turn me on. Use the toys with him - he will probably like it!
I have to disagree with the advice about getting married helping with the anxiety over the relationship though - for me that didn't start until i had been married for ten years or so and not because she gave me any reason... as i fell more and more into my depression i became more and more anxious about our relationship and began to obssess about it - i would read meaning (always negative) in to every little thing she said or did, taking everything as a slight or a sign that she didn't love me anymore. That would start me on a spiral of negative thoughts that is hard to describe.
I still deal with those issues, though since i have been treating my depression it has improved immensly. Now and then i feel myself slipping intyo that mind state, but i now recognize it and can usually stop it (with the help of my meds and the other things i do to combat the depression)
Pax may be right that the commitment of marriage might ease some of the anxiety. But it might not too. It is hard to work on a relationship until you are comfortable enough with yourself first. If it bothers you though you should talk to him about why you are not married...and whether you should be. Only after a couple of years of treatment did get to the point where i could work on the relationship without it causing me to get back into the spiral. Ironically, as I have gotten better my marriage has not. I have learned that my dpression, although a big part of our problems has not been the sole reason for them. We are trying to work things out, and have been communicating better trhan we have in years but the out come is far from certain at this point.
Sorry I guess i got kind of long winded and off the track. Guess I needed to talk a little :)
Good luck to you
poster:dave40252
thread:228158
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20030517/msgs/230628.html