Posted by mair on May 30, 2003, at 23:06:22
In reply to Re: i had a dream about sar last night » Alara, posted by bobby on May 30, 2003, at 11:54:29
I applaud your efforts to try to figure out why you had such a vivid dream and are now "drawn" to Sar. I think it's really hard to understand why we are so taken in by a particular person. I've spent a lot of time over the last year trying to figure out why I felt such a strong attachment to her, and mostly I can't come up with a very satisfactory explanation. I, too, felt very protective of her, but although I'm old enough to have been her mother, I really don't think there was anything maternal about it. She was all of the things you said, but also a pretty serious alcoholic, and definitely self-destructive even before she killed herself. I was always struck by her total lack of resources and support, and I was always struck by the massive gulf between her very obvious talents and her lack of self-respect. But while I wanted things to be better for her, in my more cogent moments, I didn't delude myself into thinking that i could right all (or really any) of the things that were wrong in her life. But I think alot of it for me was just that she was witty and funny and wrote well in a matter of fact way, and was totally devoid of self-pity and most of all maybe, paid no attention to generational differences.
Going back and rereading her posts hasn't really helped me figure this out, and I shy away from all of those reminders anyway. I have old emails from her that I can neither read nor delete, and music I still don't listen to because it reminds me too much of her.
Why do you think you're particularly drawn to her now, as opposed to some other time?
Mair
poster:mair
thread:230162
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20030517/msgs/230380.html