Posted by noa on May 21, 2003, at 19:21:53
In reply to Re: Same old, same old and some dreams(long) » noa, posted by Dinah on May 21, 2003, at 12:55:46
Thanks, Dinah.
As an update, today I am feeling better. I went to work. That usually helps, despite the fact that work can be one of the major sources of stress. But at least at work I am busy and engaged in productive activity.
Yesterday was a total waste. I slept a lot and then went into one my computer-game-playing trances. Trance is the best word I can use to describe it. This one lasted literally about 9 hours. I mean, nearly 9 hours of straight minesweeper and freecell (not even games that are interesting!!). My hand hurt, nearly frozen in a mouse-working claw position. And I ignore the pain, ignore the feeling of being totally sick of playing anymore. I am stuck in this trance and can't stop myself. The only breaks were short ones for meds and bathroom. I think I didn't even eat that whole time.
So then, it is like minesweeper visuals are burned onto my occipital lobe to drive me further mad! Trying to sleep, and even through much of the work day today, trying to listen to other people speaking, all I can see in my mind's eye is the stupid minesweeper action, like I am still playing it. Aargh. So I came home today and finally did it. I DELETED the minesweeper program from my computer!!! I didn't even just uninstall because that would make it too easy to get it back. Nope, I deleted it. Good riddance. And I know, there probably is a way to get it back, but PLEASE don't share that with me. Ignorance in this instance is better for my health.
OK, so I can still compulsively play solitaire and freecell, but these are not as compelling for me as minesweeper. If they become so, they will hit the trash heap, too.
I'll probably have withdrawal cravings at some point. Oh well. Right now, I just can't wait for this stupid game to leave my brain alone already!!
But the game was not just contributing to the problem, it was also just a result of the basic problem of me getting overwhelmed and going into these trance-like reclusive states. I still have to deal with that.
Thanks, y'all for the support. It helped. My moods can snowball quickly and take on a life of their own.
I am not totally better, but compared to the past few days, much better.
BTW, I went from sleeping all the time, to sleep deprivation. Last night I was only able to manage about 2 hours. My improved mood could, in part, be a result of being deprived of sleep. But getting back into the routine also helped (and not having any major disasters happen at work today, helped, too.).
As it turned out, yesterday and this morning, I did develop some physical symptoms, so I was feeling a bit sickly at work today. Could be psychosomatic but I can never tell. Who knows.
Thanks.
poster:noa
thread:227425
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20030517/msgs/228180.html