Posted by maryhelen on April 30, 2003, at 6:11:31
In reply to What are you depressed about? Arggggh, posted by leeran on April 29, 2003, at 1:41:18
Leeran:
I think you are hilarious, witty, knowledgeable, intelligent. To pick up the way you did on Tabitha's message, which by the way is a great response, and come up with "My M.O. is that I'm M.O.'d" or " I have a bi-acronymic condition known as A.D.D.M.O., and it's possible contagious" - how very clever.
I just want to share some of my thoughts about my journey with depression. I am not proud to say, but it's the truth, I have been hospitalized 5 times in psychiatry, been in 3 different substance abuse programs for my addiction to pain medication and have had 2 rounds of ECT. From the beginning with my first hospitalization in 1980 to the present, the difference in my own perceptions is 100%.
I had such shame, fear, embarassment, guilt etc.... when I was first hospitalized. I work in a school and swore my principal to secrecy. Lie after lie after lie. I don't want to make this post too long but I can say now that every staff member knows and any parent who asks I tell them I have depression. In fact, anyone. I have never had anything but positive support and encouragement and came to know that 8 teachers are also on antidepressants.
My point is though, that throughout my hospitalizations and follow-up therapy, I have met the most interesting people I have ever known in my life. If I ever get better, I know I will be a better person for it. I have learned so much about life, I am totally empathetic, I have learned so much about different mental illnesses that I never knew even existed. I have such high regard, except for myself, for those who have the courage and tenacity to fight through all their demons. And then when you think you know it all about different disorders, 2 years ago New Year's Eve I ended up being certified to yet another hospital. They had no room on the 'regular' psychiatric floor so I ended up in a locked unit with people suffering with schizophrenia for 4 weeks. What an experience. My God, the way people suffer with that illness and apparently the medication is as bad as the illness itself.
I can certainly relate to what you were saying about you have everything you could possibly ever want. My life is the same. I have a good job 3 minutes away from where I live, live by myself, which I prefer in a beautiful apartment, have 1 daughter and 4 grandchildren, 9 brothers and sisters, my mom, more than most people have. So how is it possible to explain to others why I am depressed. It has been with me most of my life and I cannot even explain it to myself. I have been off work for 2 years now. I do know my daughter's circumstances with her husband is what set off this ongoing depression 15 years ago, but I don't know how to deal with it.
Anyway, I have gone on too long. I just wanted to say, and we can recognize it on this site, that mental illness does not take everything away. Again, the humour, wit, intelligence, support, caring ...... from one to another can only enrich our lives. Let's just hope we can get to a point where we can enjoy and reflect on the wisdom we have gained through suffering with this horrific disease.
maryhelen
poster:maryhelen
thread:223074
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20030426/msgs/223387.html