Posted by WorryGirl on April 29, 2003, at 2:34:42
In reply to What are you depressed about? Arggggh, posted by leeran on April 29, 2003, at 1:41:18
> I had an unexpectedly PLEASANT dental experience today. The first in years - or perhaps ever! So, that was a "good thing." In fact, the dentist sat and talked for an hour before he ever looked in my mouth simply because he could sense my (literal) hand-wringing desperation. I left the office so thrilled that I had a game plan, and that there wasn't that usual guilt trip, that I momentarily thought I could drop a few meds due to sheer joy.
>
> There is one part of the visit that brought something to mind that I wanted to ask bring up here on the board. I'm betting that others have been frustrated by this question and that it's been brought up before here on this board.
>
> The dental assistant, a very nice (and sincere) young woman, requested my medications list and as she was writing them all down in the chart she asked what Wellbutrin is prescribed for.
>
> When I answered: "Depression" she answered "What are you depressed about?"
>
> I know she meant well (or certainly didn't mean to be unkind), but I'm sure you all probably know my answer:
>
> "I'm not depressed about one thing in particular, in most cases "it" doesn't work that way. It's caused by a chemical inbalance, blah blah blah."
>
> "What are you depressed about?" is the equivalent of "snap out of it" for me. If I could "snap out of it" I would be thrilled. I don't enjoy going to bed thinking "will I have to be medicated for the rest of my life in order to feel somewhat 'normal?'" or waking up feeling like there's a brick of despair resting on my forehead.
>
> If my father could snap out of diabetes, or my husband could snap out of high blood pressure I know they would in a New York minute.
>
> We talked about the stigma of depression a few weeks ago, and I guess this is yet another example of the misunderstanding that exists about mental illness.
>
> I need to learn to overcome the need to overexplain depression and A.D.D., as if they are signs of weakness, versus an illness and a disorder.
>
> I understand that people mean well when they ask such questions, but it was yet another example of the difficulty in conveying the concept of depression to someone who hasn't experienced it in their own life.
>
> Maybe I can use this as part of the key to understanding my mother. I remember wanting to ask her so many different times (when I was a young adult): "what are you depressed about." Of course, now I understand that this can be the ultimate pain with no distinct name.
>
> Has anyone else experienced this? I sound like I'm being nit-picky (I probably am), but it seems so exhausting (of course!) to explain it to people. Luckily, I'm not usually in a situation where I need to do so.
>
> Thank you for the momentary rant.
>
>
>
>Hi Leeran,
Glad your dental visit was successful.
Before I go to bed and stare at the wall, I had to answer this post. It is a very valid rant.I CAN'T STAND WHEN PEOPLE SAY, "WHAT ARE YOU DEPRESSED ABOUT?" either!!!!! Even my husband has been known to say that, but I think he finally learned to give it a rest.
I know I'm sort of repeating what you said, but I feel like ranting, too. People who are either uninformed about depression and/or have never been depressed seem to feel that something extremely tragic has to be going on in your life for you to be depressed. They believe that just because people appear to have great lives (and probably do, except for the depression) they couldn't possibly be depressed, and if they are, they are seriously disturbed. It's sort of like the people who think that "rich people have no problems". Some might see "depressed" people as whiners, weak people who give up too easily, or just trying to get attention. Why anyone would intentionally want to be depressed is beyond me! These often well-meaning but uninformed people actually think that you can choose to be depressed or not be depressed.
And to be put on the spot with that question, it's like they're saying, "So why don't you just not be depressed?"
They're never going to get it.
If you can think of a good retort to that question that isn't rude let me know!
Maybe you could say, "I'm depressed because I can't choose not to be" or "because I can't just snap out of it". That might shut them up.
poster:WorryGirl
thread:223074
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20030426/msgs/223086.html