Posted by lil' jimi on March 27, 2003, at 15:57:47
In reply to Re: not a biological father, posted by lostsailor on March 27, 2003, at 15:26:57
> Mike is her son in question...we live in different countries (they are in Canada and I'm In the states)when I send mike Pin 3's for phone cards so he can call me when he wants. About 3 months ago while on the phone with him I heard him screem at his mother...and I quote, "why can't you get it ,mom, the two of you are not going to ever get back together, but why does that have to involve the two of us" (bieng he and I/ me and him???).
>
> recently, I talked to my pdoc about this, who is now a child specialist but still treats his pre -existing "adult" patients, that it is in Mike's best interest that I let his mother make the call.
> this really sort of sucks. He has been let down before and that was a promise she asked me to make to her when we first started dating years ago--that I would not do the same to him. I have tried every way imaginable to maintain the relationship, but think it is best to take my docs advice so he does not suffer repercutions at home (he is 8). I tried to talk to his mother about this and her reply is, if you want to be involved with Mike, you and I must reunite.
>
> As much as I would love to do that for hs sake, it is not a viable option at all. I have asked to at least come up and make some closure with Mike and when I did , he was not there (at his aunt's) and found it to be a ploy to have us spen some "quality time" together and fix things. This can't be done anylonger. I will not date/marry someone that I no longer love.
>
> I feel like a "deadbeat dad" for this in a way, but like doc reminds me, I have done more then most men would ever do. I have thought about calling him when he stays over at a mutual friend's house on some weekends, even that in docs opinion, may only complicate matters worse for him.
>
> I feel powerless, but at the same time want to do what is best for him. I feel like I have failed as a father before I have even reproduced. It really sucks, but I agree with doc considering his and my understanding of chilhood development. I just hope he knows who the real culprit is and I think he does. The mutual friend I mentioned before is a great person and is in my defence totally. I'll probably always remain friends with Tom and Angela, and hope when Mike is of age he wants to look me up someday if just to chat here and there. both tom and angie have promised that they will give him my contact info at anytime, I but I guess that time will either come when his mom grows up a bit or he turns 16--8 years from now...it's really a bummer on all fronts...
> Thanks, bud, ~tonytone,
i hurt for your tragedy ... a true and bad bummer indeed ... 8 years old ... man, those guys Need a dad, big time ...
But, my friend, you are Not being a deadbeat dad! ... you have hung when you did Not have to hang and you still feel the heart strings tug ... my guess is that the expert, child-psych specialist knows that 8 is just too young to explain and ask acceptance from Mike about the trauma/drama with his mom ... too much for him to have to handle... and too incriminating against his mom for depriving him of you.... yeah, i can see how you don't/can't go there.
we must play with the cards we get dealt and even if there aren't any "good" cards in our hand, we play them the best we can... there ain't nothing else.
but hey, you're on meds, doing what you can and we have to take care of tony for him (you) to be good for anyone... and you're being good here... do the best you can... don't give yourself any harder time than you have to... let the rest take care of its self.
" ... and if 6 turned out to be 9 ..."
~ jim
poster:lil' jimi
thread:212834
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20030326/msgs/213530.html