Posted by Alara on March 12, 2003, at 4:07:25
In reply to Passive aggression..., posted by jay on March 10, 2003, at 12:04:49
> This is one habbit I am SOOOOO working hard on breaking. Ever notice it can be what people *don't* say as much as what they do that can make you feel hurt, violated, and left out? I particularly remember this in my grade school years, where I was just that "goofy kid" who no one ever picked to be on their team; no one picked for a dance; no one picked to be their partner in spelling class..etc..etc..heh. I do kick myself, though, as I recall in Grade 9, there was this girl who I knew 'liked' me, but I was too dumb to think that anyone (A girl, of all people!!..heh) could like me like 'that'.
>
> More hot air...'fill er up...use it up baby! :-)
>
> Jay
Jay, I know what you mean. There are also those times during which you confide in a peer about an insecurity (whether it relates to work performance, physical appearance, overall ability, social confidence, or about an event for which you blame yourself. ) Instead of empathising with you and talking openly and honestly to help you to feel better, the passive-aggressive person deliberately ignores your concern, changing the subject and taking great delight in your inscecurity. Your feelings are left `hanging'. (The passive-agressive bully's face is a dead giveaway!) If you're sensitive to this kind of treatment, you end up feeling worse. (Refer to my previous thread on bullying and you'll know that I understand totally!)Thanks to some of the posters on here, I am realising (for the 100th time in my life) that the worst thing that you can do is to let the person know that he/she has hurt your feelings. It's precisely your unspoken (but transparent) hurt that gives the passive-agressive person his/her reward. Such an individual thrives on the anger which festers inside of you, knowing all too well that you would feel unjustified in confronting them in the absence of obvious (agressive) misbehaviour.
We should call it `Anti-Bully Week' on PSB. (Wink)
Hope you are feeling better and thanks for your support in the earlier thread, Jay.
Alara
poster:Alara
thread:207734
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20030308/msgs/208339.html