Posted by kara lynne on February 26, 2003, at 19:36:36
In reply to Major accomplishment, but feeling empty, posted by kara lynne on February 26, 2003, at 18:09:47
Today I was talking to someone who said she wanted to set me up with someone. Then she said, "We'll have to give you some medication so you're not so shy though. Because he's really funny and outgoing." This is a person who doesn't know me well, and I wanted to say, I'm not shy, I just wasn't participating in the conversation going on around here because it was stupid. (It was a lot of schmoozing and bullshi**ing and carrying on, and I was just too tired today to even pretend at pretending...) But instead of (hello lifelike--EXPLAINING things like I'm not shy if I'm with real people talking about real things, I'm really quite a wonderful and entertaining person once you get past the negative, self obsessed, depressed, anxiety ridden, hypochondriacal, chronicaly ill, agoraphobic, hopeless, failed little aspects of myself...) I just get pegged as shy and leave. It doesn't really matter, I hardly ever see her, but I didn't like it. And what is shy anyway? How does anyone know why a person responds the way they do at any given time? Yes, maybe someone is painfully uncomfortable, lacking confidence, afraid. Maybe not though. Maybe I just didn't care about what they were talking about. Maybe I was feeling sick. But I don't say, You know, I really don't care at all about what you're saying. I find all the acting around here tiring. No, I just get told I'm shy, and leave. It's funny--when people treat me like a reflection of my conflict I get pissed, like, can't they see who I really am? But I'm probably promoting that other image somehow. Oh I'm confused.
poster:kara lynne
thread:204101
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20030223/msgs/204127.html