Posted by Dinah on February 22, 2003, at 5:14:39
In reply to well, now I feel really stupid, posted by jodie on February 18, 2003, at 3:38:58
You don't need to feel stupid about it, Jodie. This board is a great place for sharing and getting things out in the open. But I do understand the feelings that come after disclosure. I call it Babbler's Remorse, and have felt it more times than I can recall.
It's scary to self disclose and take the risk of putting yourself out there. It's like deepening intimacy in a relationship, and it is in a way.
I'm so sorry for the pain that was caused in your family by the secrets. So many times trouble is caused with the best of intentions. Everybody probably thought they were doing their best for everyone else, yet the lies ended up causing pain for the very people they were designed to protect.
At least I assume that was the intention. Your grandparents probably thought your mom was too young? And your mom was probably suffering, and trying to do what she thought was best for both of you while having a full range of the complex emotions that come from having to give up a child.
I think it's great that you're able to be as open and supportive of your child as you are, while still having the courage to do what you think is best for him regardless of the pain to yourself. That's what being a mom is about.
I'm sure you don't need me to tell you that a lot of your difficulties have been caused by your illness. Undiagnosed bipolar spectrum disorders can lead to a chaotic life. Are things smoothing out now that you're on proper medication?
My heart goes out to you, and to your family. So much pain...
poster:Dinah
thread:201379
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20030215/msgs/202722.html