Posted by shar on February 9, 2003, at 1:29:11
In reply to Re: Please....give me a few words of hope, posted by rayww on February 8, 2003, at 23:40:50
Your post really struck home with me, too. The external stuff we have to deal with (losing a job, watching people move on, relationships or lack thereof) add so much to our "regular" struggle with mental health issues that are often chemical in nature. So, along with something we have very little control over (chemical imbalance) we suffer the 'slings and arrows' life delivers.
One thing I also related to was how you seriously put yourself down (I often think about what a loser I am). For me, that's due to a lot of shame about where I am in life, and a billion other things. The deal about the self-deprecating thinking is it's bad for you (for us), and something we do have some degree of control over. My therapist said to me recently that as we get older, part of maturing is caring less that we aren't someone else's version of "good" or "ok" or "successful." Accepting that we are who we are, where we are.
Finally, horizons. I lived a long, long time with a bleak, desolate, cold, hopeless horizon stretching before me, an infinite highway of emptiness. However, I can assure you from recent personal experience, that horizon's can change *just enough* to make life bearable. They can even change enough to make life worth living. It may not take a huge shift at all, for you to find something good (not perfect ecstasy, maybe) in your life. Good enough to spark that little bit of will to live.
Until then, what Miller said. And, keep showing up, keep breathing, keep looking at your surroundings (sometimes nature can be very interesting). Just do what you can, and then give yourself a great big pat on the back for making it another day.
Good to have you posting again.
Shar
poster:shar
thread:36656
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20030208/msgs/36711.html