Posted by BeardedLady on December 30, 2002, at 16:31:32
In reply to Where to even begin (rant)-no response needed, posted by mair on December 30, 2002, at 14:52:16
> This is just a partial list, but too big to tackle. To me its just the beginning of a long list of my deficiencies - all important enough ones to critically affect the way I view myself.
Who's the joker who decided we should do things differently every January first? That's a lot of pressure on us for some arbitrary deadline.
> I hesitate to post this for the same reason that I sometimes hesitate to post anything - I know it will sound ridiculous -
It doesn't.
>I know someone will want to tell me that these things are true of everyone and that I most of all need to be more forgiving of myself.
Someone will. I will. I identified with every item in your first paragraph, especially the credit cards, the late fees, the clothes, the staring mindlessly, the compartmentalizing.
>I already know that. But I also really believe all of these things about myself and I can't imagine successfully tackling any one of these so where does that leave me now on the eve of new years eve?
I guess it leaves you where it left you on October 4th and February 7th and Wednesday.
But while you're making the lists, maybe you can try this little bit I learned in therapy. Put some of the really good things about yourself on the other side of the list. Like how much you love your kids and show them every day. Like how smart you are. Like how much support you show people here (and probably at home).
There's so much good about you. Your friends and family take the whole picture. The good stuff makes it worth it.
> I feel trapped by the person I am - with no way out without hurting the people I love most.That doesn't sound good, Mair. You don't have to hurt anyone to find a way to improve the person you are. But change doesn't happen overnight (as you know). And I'm only saying in this post all the things you already know. Maybe you just needed a little reassurance. Sometimes it's better if someone else says it, reinforces it.
I'm sure there are lots of remedies for all the things you mentioned, but you needn't tackle them all. I had trouble paying my bills on time. I got this slotted mail holder numbered from 1 to 31. When they come, I take my bills out of the envelopes, tuck them into the return envelope, and put them in the slot four days before they're due. Every day, I check the slot for a bill that's due. Sometimes I even pay them early.
(Most of the time, though, I'm late because I don't have the money in the bank to pay the bills! If that's not your problem, this little thing is a dream come true.)
You're always free to rant to me. You know the address. I hope I can (and maybe did) help a little.
love,
beardy
poster:BeardedLady
thread:34195
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20021226/msgs/34198.html