Posted by jay on October 27, 2002, at 0:22:41
In reply to Re: pseudo-friend zone » SandraDee, posted by Tabßitha on October 26, 2002, at 20:49:40
Been there...did it..got the t-shirt. :-) To be honest, I find trivializing things is very counter-productive. As a friend of mine said.."If you want a best friend 24-7...get a dog." There will ALWAYS be imperfections, and people MUST deal with this in themselves and with others. To try and play a "well..I sorta like you...naaa..no I don't" line is like playing games, and I am sorry, but I am just being honest. I also think many today are still dearly afraid of commitment. I was in a relationship for about 4 years, lost my girlfriend in a car accident and our child had been born stillborn. Yes, it hurts like hell, but, I *would* do it all over again. I am actually hoping to 'start all over' again.My point being..if anybody has been hurt..well I can certainly count myself in. I don't really know what to make of your story. It sounds like you and he where walking on eggshells, and I think that can only lead to further danger. Make the case you either want something or not. We have to remember it is other peoples emotions we are toying with, and we must take responsibility for that.
Anyways..sorry..that's just how I feel.
Jay
> SandraDee, you've got the perfect friend zone situation going. He probably won't make a serious move as long as you're married, and you get to enjoy the friendship. If he makes a move and you reject him, he'll just respect you more. Friend zone is a losing situation for a single girl. Here's my sad story.
>
> I had a male friend for about 3 years. I knew he was interested, and I wasn't, but he was respecting my limits. He had this same type of pseudo-friend relationship with several other women. Then last year, it almost seemed like we were clicking. For a second he looked almost attractive. My therapist told me that sometimes, when a relationship deepens, an attraction can develop where it did not exist previously. Can it be? I wondered. Could my friend become a boyfriend? Although this had never worked for me before, I decided to try to explore the possibility of romance. Didn't work at all-- we did not in fact click, my little flicker of attraction died almost instantly, and simultaneously, he latched onto me for dear life, making himself even less attractive.
>
> After a few weeks, I tried to gently disengage, but he wasn't hearing me at all, ... so I uttered the fatal words "I'm just not attracted to you", along with lots of reassurances of how much I valued his friendship and wanted to go back to the way things had been. Never heard from him again. I lost my long-term "friend" instantly, which was kind of a blow.
>
> Jay, let this be a cautionary tale. Be glad this woman was straight with you early on, and be glad you took the hint and moved on. Pseudo-Friend zone is bad, from either side.
poster:jay
thread:31674
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20021022/msgs/31702.html