Posted by BeardedLady on October 25, 2002, at 5:49:30
In reply to feelin' sexually frustrated/gf in therapy, posted by bookgurl99 on October 23, 2002, at 23:59:03
I can see why this is difficult for you. I think it goes way beyond sex, but I could be very, very wrong, and I hope I am!
I have a ton (that would be in weight, I believe) of lesbian friends due to the area where I live--and, I guess, due to the people I like. (Half of my birthday party guests were gay friends and neighbors!)
A few of my lesbian friends (one in particular, who has been my exercise buddy for a bazillion years) have suffered from sexual abuse by a father or uncle. For almost all of them, it is what turned them off to men, and few of them ever got any therapy for this abuse, either as a child or as an adult. This one, though, has had girlfriends since I have known her but has felt that this was not her choice; there are many men she wanted to date, and I think she was even about to marry one (but that's another story).
This is certainly not true in every case, but so many of my friends are divorced or are women who, in later life, simply changed their minds and chose women companions (I'm 40, remember; you're a spring chicken!) when they woke up one morning unmarried!
So I guess I am wondering if you are worried that exploring her sexual abuse in therapy might also have her exploring more of herself and coming to conclusions that might have her resenting who she is.
Does this sound right, or am I way off the mark? Because sure, sex is lots of fun, especially in a young relationship. But this moratorium probably won't last; it sounds like you are a pretty strong pair.
Maybe you can join her in some therapy after she's had a few sessions?
I think that after she's been through a little more therapy you could discuss how you feel with her, but right now, she may feel pressured by you and take longer in her therapy progress.
Good luck. I don't find toys to be all that much fun, and fingers are free. But you oughta try to have those nighttime orgasms that I am lucky enough to have a few times a month!
beardy
poster:BeardedLady
thread:31584
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20021022/msgs/31650.html