Posted by Medusa on August 29, 2002, at 10:27:51
I read in a post recently that the post-er's therapist said she would probably always have a part of her that wanted to die. (Sorry for the paraphrase, and for forgetting who the poster is.)
This hit me. This is probably what I have to accept, instead of thinking I'll "get well" and go on with life. I probably just have to bloody go on with life.
I just made a phone call to a potential employer. I didn't know what language to address him in, and I had misunderstood the position being advertised, but he was STILL friendly and asked me to send my CV. I've been so afraid of making such phone calls! And DH sort of dared me to do it, and I didn't think I could so I don't know, I just did it. And nothing horrible happened.
Then I made another call, which I'd also dreaded, and left a message.
I have to work on my CV now. I did for about four minutes, and I want to scream with frustration. Most of the time, I want to yell, scream, holler. I'm in a lot of pain, physically and emotionally.
And if I look at what the poster said about living with the idea of always wanting to die, I might have to face the idea of a life wanting to scream.
I don't know if I have the energy for that. But presuming I can scrape it together somehow, how do I go about creating a decent life, all the while feeling about to burst with screams?
M
poster:Medusa
thread:29522
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20020829/msgs/29522.html