Posted by mashogr8 on August 18, 2002, at 17:01:58
In reply to Re: cats... » Ted, posted by .tabitha. on August 17, 2002, at 14:59:49
I think my parents actually did the best they could but in my eyes, it was sorely lacking and I am as I am because of their approach.
My mom's parents were Irish immigrants, as were my dad's, but my mom's dad wouldn't let her go to Nursing School because they felt she was too wild and would waste the tuition(If you knew my mom, you'd be rolling down thirty hills laughing at that description). She had wanted to go to Nursing School, they sent her to Katherine Gibbs instead and off to Met Life to make coffee. My dad had no chance really to go to school. He enlisted in the Marines during the war. When the war was over, they got married and I wound up joining them before they had been married for one year. My sister was right behind me. Family expenses mounted, my dad tried night school but he worked two jobs and just gave up. They were determined we would go to college. They(my mother, of course) however, would dictate our choice of majors. Women were teachers or nurses. You would not dream of taking up a job that might rob a man of a job which he needed to support his family. The woman belonged at home.
I was not even allowed to go on the French class's trip to Paris because I might get stolen -- geeesh; they talked so much about how difficult and whiny I could be, you'd think they might let me go and hope that might happen. I never tried to become the doctor I wanted to be precisely because I listened to my mother. I know I made the choice to listen to her but that was the ultimate mistake in my life. I did everything I was supposed while young and was supposed to have the thrill of making my own choices when I became an adult. Happiness awaited me. Of course, lots of times I feel like I am four or five so I don't believe I made it to adulthood yet. What a waste of living. Pretty soon senility will overtake depression which is a real downer.I, as well as my husband, were bound and determined to raise our children differently and we certainly did. I am really proud of my older daughter as she is still at the age of 28 taking the MCATs for Med. School (And my mother says, she should give up!!!). She hopes that her work record will more than make up for a crappy senior year. And my 23year old, bless her parents worried souls, has grasped the independence I so longed for but never trusted myself to have and was scared to death of. She has disappeared from our family for one whole year. At the moment, she is in the Republic of Kiribati living on a southernmost island where she is one of three white people. Kids come up to touch her skin. The family that she is living with are kind of interesting. It is extended from grandparents down to babies. But the young ones cry when they see her. A. thinks it's because the children are told that if they don't behave the white ones will take them away from their homes. Scary that sounds like something my mom did say.
My children have succeeded not being wimpy or constrained by me. I just wonder what they will hate about us and spend a life on meds trying to correct our damage.
ma(feeling quite small at the moment)
poster:mashogr8
thread:28600
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20020813/msgs/28887.html