Posted by Peter S. on August 1, 2002, at 22:33:45
In reply to Re: Romance and Depression » Peter S., posted by Gabbi on July 31, 2002, at 23:03:04
Gabbi,
That's very wise counsel. Yes it's unfortunate that all my methods of treating my depression have not been completely effective. My current regimen has been more successful than anything previously, but I've noticed that I'm getting more and more "breakthrough" depression.
God how I hate that needy, unworthy feeling! It pisses me off so much. In a corner of my mind I know it's BS- when I'm not depressed I can be clear and present and objective about the other person and not too invested in what happens. But depression, especially when I'm attracted to someone magnifies my unworthiness and fear to ridiculous heights till I have no idea how to act. It takes way too much effort to have any kind of a relationship under these circumstances. This goes way beyond shyness or social anxiety.
I've gotten involved with women when I haven't been depressed, or more likely when I've been under the influence. When depresseion rears it's ugly head, I'm baffled about how to deal with it. In my last relationship, I actually brought it up. Unfortunately at that time I was in such a bad space that she (and I) just couldn't deal with it. It drove me back to therapy which of course acts like it has answers but I find inevitably is patronizing or ineffective. Not to say that many therapists are'nt great people but they overestimate their own techniques.
Anyway this is getting long. Again thanks for the input- it was very useful.
Peter
> Does anyone really ever listen to advice when it comes to romance?:) Especially if it is one particular person you are interested in.
>
> The way you described depression being undignified was priceless, that it is.
>
> If you have hopes of your mood stabilizing I would say WAIT!!!!! Because what is even more undignifying is feeling rebuffed (even if it caused by your depression "glasses" and then feeling really insecure and desperate, pleading for reassurance to the point of being annoying.
> And when your composure has returned trying to convince the object of your affection that that was not the way you really are.
> (can you tell thats whats happened to me?)
>
> I think it depends on what form your depression takes, a lot of people can understand someone needing space, especially if the woman is secure enough to know its not personal. If you feel really isolated and needy when you are depressed I think its risky to start anything, because though the feelings would probably happen anyway, its easy to think they are caused by some perceived flaw in the relationship.
> Not to mention if the person decides after a few dates that you aren't compatable you won't be able to take it as rationally as a "healthy" person would.
>
> I've heard its possible to succeed despite the depression. It hasn't happened to me though I've had plenty of beginnings and it was definately my depression behavior that killed them.
>
> Being a woman may make my experiences even more different from your own possibilities though.
>
> good luck (thats such a huge help I know)
> Gabbi
poster:Peter S.
thread:27716
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20020728/msgs/27803.html