Posted by Zo on July 3, 2002, at 16:42:50
In reply to Provigil and Humour?? » Zo, posted by IsoM on July 1, 2002, at 19:33:47
I *may* have overstated the case.
I find my humor is not so edgy, not as pointed. . but probably pointed enough. It was probably overly-pointed before.
I'm a litttle bit nicer person. But just a little.
Provigil helps me concentrate even more on what I like. It has also made it even more difficult to focus on the linear, clock-driven world. So I have to do even more workarounds and reminders for that. And when I don't have to, I don't. It's so pleasurable to follow whatever engages my mind.
I also notice, even tho I experience myself as more unable to focus on linear things, in reality the manuscript pages are piling up. The previously impossible things, because uninteresting--like printing--seem to swim into consciousness of their own accord. This has been a lifelong problem, which yeilded to no amount of trying to learn "self-discpline." So something is vastly improved.
Sounds like magic, but with Provigil, the inner emptiness is gone. The inner sense of well-being, that things are okay, even if things are difficult or sad. .. I never had that. It also never yielded to many years of therapy, or even the deepest understanding. I even tried Vicodin and Buprenorphine as ADs, because they temporarily made me feel okay. Took that gnawing away.
No one could have predicted Provigil would work that way. I am very happy to have stumbled upon it. This only confirms the theory that insufficient care in childhood, stress, abuse, neglect--carves ruts in the neocortex that are very hard for the thoughts to pull out of, without a nice chemical hand up.
This post is digressive. . .I go with my digressions if I'm writing. . .and I go for countless hours, and don't think to count them. . .and I don't call it hyperfocus as a negative any more. This is wonderful stuff that's given us, with ADD. We have fun, we enjoy, we're funny, quirky. We love our ideas. I guess my ability to capitalize on that and balance whatever odiousness, when I must, is improved.
A lot. My son noticed certain tasks are sooo inherently odious for me, like unloading the dishwasher, because they hold no interest to my brain, which makeseven the perception of them sooo difficult, I just avoid.
Hard to explain--Provigil has intensified the very strong pull of interest and engagement, so you would think, then, has "aggravted" my ADD. .. but apparently it also decreased the odiousness, or made it easier to think upon, 'cause I seem to be getting a lot more done.
Hope this ramble makes sense. (Now, when I have to write a letter to my lawyer, it takes all afternoon to be concise!) I find Provigil (in combination with Dexedrine) to be very relaxing.
Zo
poster:Zo
thread:25795
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20020629/msgs/26028.html