Posted by SusanG on June 10, 2002, at 14:52:51
In reply to Afraid to get better? (Long and slightly ranty), posted by shar on June 9, 2002, at 22:16:29
Shar, I knew I would push some buttons with this and that's why I was hesitant to post but I do appreciate you taking the time to respond. I guess my primary goal here is to think out loud about myself and to hear the perspectives of others. What I'm doing to exacerbate my depression may be entirely unique to me or may apply only to a few others. Putting things down in a post makes them more concrete and I'm hoping this will allow me to process my thoughts and feelings in the hope of MOVING ON. I realize these are concerns I should be bringing up to a therapist but I am not having a lot of success with my psychiatrist (you may have seen my post) so I turn to the very knowledgeable people here to help me sort this out. It is immensely helpful and I appreciate everyone's feedback.
You are right, no one can give 100% effort 100% of the time. Doing what I can at any given moment is probably all I can ask of myself. This weekend I spent time being happy and just enjoying life for a few hours. For the first time in almost a year I didn't allow that little voice inside my head to ask, "What are you doing being happy? Don't you remember you are depressed?" I LET myself feel good and I enjoyed it for as long as it lasted. Some of the sadness returned because, of course, it isn't so simply resolved just by giving myself permission to be happy. But at least for a short time I removed that one factor. At any rate, please don't be offended by this as I am sure it doesn't apply to you or the vast majority, if not all, of the posters here. Thanks again for sharing your thoughts.
poster:SusanG
thread:25136
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20020531/msgs/25195.html