Posted by BeARdEdLaDY on May 18, 2002, at 6:29:30
In reply to o yea poems, remember me ( FORGETTING THE SELF ), posted by kid_A on May 17, 2002, at 21:53:05
Kid-A:
This is a terrific poem--your best posted yet (well, I like it because it's perfect in that neat package sort of way). If I were your poem swapper (I have a few of those; Zo has been helping me discard the !s and add some —s in my writings, as well as remove a jarring word or two, along with other good advice), I'd say to change the title, as it is a little self-conscious because, after all, that's what the poem is about, and you get that.
My independent study prof, a fantabulous poet, told me that sometimes it was best to just call the poem what the first line is, which, in your case, I like a lot: Remember the Mailman. But "Washing the Car," maybe "Waxing," which has that good double entendre going. But you didn't ask me, so....
The butcher wrapping your heart in paper is so brilliant an image.
And "i washed it there..."—also brilliant.
This is a prize, and I thank you for sharing.
Now to that big cup o' decaf.
beardy : )>
P.S. trifle has one F.
poster:BeARdEdLaDY
thread:23998
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20020517/msgs/24029.html