Posted by Dinah on March 18, 2002, at 18:36:44
In reply to train, wreck, posted by trouble on March 17, 2002, at 0:07:32
>
> This seems like a good time to close w/ my version of the heartfelt declamation some of you have been waiting for. I think waiting is a beautiful thing. If you don't understand that statement it boils down to the question, what are you going to do with it?
> There's been talk concerning my big personality and manner of speaking, they've been cited for ambiguity, for being loathsome and disturbing, it's been said that I have put my psychosis on fellow members and that I need to apologize for it.
> I apologize for putting my psychosis on fellow board members. Nobody here is trying to go backwards, if I've contributed to that in anyone it wasn't be design. My mental problems are probably real and they're probably going to be with me awhile. I've never denied being a fuckin nut. The ambition and ambiguity will most likely stick as well. What to do, what to do...
> I'm a firm believer that offense is in the taking, and luck be with us, you can take me or leave me. There's sure to be another train wreck just down the road.
>
>
> love,
> troubleTrouble,
Perhaps I'm being presumptuous here. If so, please forgive me. Perhaps I'm taking things too seriously, in which I ask you to forgive me as well.
There is certainly no need to apologize to me. I thought I made it clear that I didn't in any way blame you. I take full responsibility for my own psychosis, thank you.
You say that we started as friends; I hope that we are still friends. I certainly harbor no unfriendly feelings towards you and have always retained an enjoyment of your posts. It makes me sad to see you take such a negative attitude towards yourself. You started on the board that way, with your "I'm cutting down on acting out" post, continued with a few other posts, including that post about mental midgets, and your last few posts have seemed in keeping with that theme. Yet your actual behavior on the board hasn't seemed consistent with the view you paint of yourself.
I think that maybe you should tell your psychiatrist exactly what you've been been doing with PSB. It can be a powerful thing, this board, for bad as well as good. And it's power probably shouldn't be unleashed without a trained professional being aware and standing by if needed. My therapist says the internet is a huge blank screen onto which all sorts of projections can be made. And apparently that can lead to problems in susceptible individuals. (Freud again - don't ask me). Maybe this doesn't have anything to do with the strong feelings you've been feeling lately, but I inferred from your posts that you connect them with PSB. So if my therapist's Freudian musings mean anything to you, I'm happy to share them. And if this post is totally off the mark, please feel free to ignore it.
Your perhaps overly earnest friend,
Dinah
poster:Dinah
thread:19991
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20020314/msgs/20130.html