Posted by Roo on February 28, 2002, at 8:59:28
In reply to Re: Self Acceptance » Roo, posted by Dinah on February 28, 2002, at 8:24:28
>
> Do you feel that you are generally unaccepting
of yourself?In general, yes. I am really working on it though.
I used to approach it by trying to "banish" the
negative thoughts. That, of course, didn't work and
only made me feel even more like a failure because I
couldn't do it. (One more thing to beat myself up
about). Meditation has helped me a lot because it really
helps you to see that thoughts are just thoughts, they
are not who you ARE. DBT and this new therapy called
"Acceptance Committment Therapy" have helped me a lot
too, because it's about excepting yourself as you are, warts
and all--not trying to change anything, but being okay
with what's there. You watch and observe the negative thoughts
happening, but you don't BELIEVE them, and therefore
they lose some of there power and intensity. This work is
still relatively new to me, so those muscles/skills aren't
really strong yet. This month, for instance, I've had a
horrible bout of PMS and I have just been cranky as hell.
It's hard for me to feel cranky and be okay with it--I like
to be nice all the time, and when I'm irritable with other
people I judge myself as a bitch that no one could ever love
or be around, etc. Sometimes I don't even think it's my depression
so much that is a problem, it's just that I see the depression as
"BAD" and it makes me an unlovable person. These are what
the negative voices tell me. So I wonder, if I can just accept
that these are just tapes playing, but there's no truth to them,
if my depression wouldn't be as bothersome to me. I don't know.Do the critical inner voices seem
alien to your basic idea of yourself?Sometimes it's hard to distinguish them from my self.
That's what I'm working on.Do you feel
like you deserve the good things for yourself?Another thing I'm working on. I think I have trouble believing
that, even though logically/intellectually it makes no sense to
me to feel that way. One area I can see it very clearly is sex--
I have to consciously remind myself that I deserve pleasure...otherwise
I can feel self conscious/guilty about it.I
guess what I'm asking is if you feel you are
generally lacking in self-acceptance or if you
are just having some troubles with those pesky
ruminative thoughts.I'm not sure I can separate the two. I know for sure I have
trouble with those pesky little thoughts. It seems like I
wouldn't have the thoughts so much if I were self accepting.
But maybe part of being self accepting is also just accepting
those pesky thoughts...but NOT believing them...
that's what I'm practicing. And meditation helps a lot...because you
notice your thoughts...you don't try to repress or deny or indulge
the thoughts...you notice them, and let them go, and come back to
the breath, the present moment. Which is all we REALLY have....
>
poster:Roo
thread:18982
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20020223/msgs/19005.html