Posted by m3 on February 27, 2002, at 10:06:09
So I've had an ongoing episode of major depression for the past couple of years, plus some untreated times before that, and I've gotten used to the symptoms I get, like compulsive sleeping, anhedonia, etc. I've always been "high-functioning", meaning I was more or less able to take care of my physical needs (minus a few meals and showers). But starting a couple of days ago I've got whole new issues, which I am finding terrifying. Terror is actually also the problem: I feel like my physical sense of space and sound has changed--everything familiar is subtly different and no longer reassuring. There aren't any places I feel safe, except for my bedroom, which also becomes scary if no one else is home.I have had two waves of this, Sunday night and Monday night (feeling somewhat better now). When I was in them, I didn't really have a solid sense of something that I was afraid of. It's just generalized dread. It does seem to be tied to place--sometimes I'm worried I won't be able to find my way back if I walk somewhere, sometimes I'm worried I'll get lost in a "bad" neighborhood or that I'll do something to attract attention to myself (and my inability to defend myself) in a public place.
Despite these fears, I managed to get myself to my therapist appt. on Monday night; she said it sounded like a "classic dissociative episode" but didn't seem to think much could be done about it. She did suggest getting people lined up to take care of me so they'd be ready for my call if I got another wave of fear. She also said I should page my pdoc. I was a little apprehensive about that, partly because because I was going to see him today anyway, but she said it would be okay.
So after I called my roommate to bring me home (BART, local public transit, had gotten too scary in the meantime), I paged him. I was still freaked out about doing it--me, an ordinary mortal, paging a doctor!--so he had to calm me down a little before he could try to help. I told him my current medication combo (transitioning btw Effexor and Serzone), and he said he didn't know what was going on either, but he would call in a rx for Zyprexa, an antipsychotic. He said that it would likely knock me out. So I got my sainted roommate to take me to the 24-hr drugstore, took the Zyprexa plus my other meds, and slept for 17 hours.
I did feel more lucid when I woke up. I called my T and my pdoc, who had asked me to give them updates, and my girlfriend, whom I'd left an incoherent msg. I spent the evening at home. And now here I am...wondering what the f*&k just happened, and how long I will have to deal with it. Did I mention it's really scary? sigh. Well, that's my rant. If anyone has had something like this happen to them and has lived through it, please feel free to write and reassure. :}
m3
poster:m3
thread:18978
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20020223/msgs/18978.html